truths & lies

we still sleep together
truth
i am over her
lie
i dont want to be with her again
truth
i cant stand the thought of her with anyone else
truth
i want to be her friend
lie
i am lying to her about the drugs
truth
i know exactly what i want
lie
i am still so in love with her
truth
i will tell her what her mother said to me
lie

i want to be an insensitive cunt. i want to hurt her, absolutely destroy her the way she broke me. have her know what it feels like to have somebody who supposedly loves you cheat on you, lie to you then leave you for a boy with a better social status than you. to have them toy with you, play with you, absolutely fuck you around like you’re nothing.

its all anger and frustration but if loving someone means hating them this intensely, i never wish to be in love again.
she is a waste of time, and i am an idiot for wasting me time. i dont know when i grew a conscience, but i just cant be horrible mel to her. i cant just walk away and not give a fuck.

ive become those ex’s i hate. how dull.