of the ex & woe

I cant believe that wiping the slate clean has just made him the content of every entry again. tonight he called, randomly, saying we should hang out to talk. so hang out we did – in the park, across the road from the police station, with two big lock neck bottles of beer, and we talked. Of regrets, of good times, of “what the fuck happened”, of “are you happy”, of life, of change and of the future.

His girfriends smiling face is fucking burnt into my mind. As I looked through his phone I found photo after photo of him and her smiling and hugging and behind each photo I could feel hundreds of their happy stories and memories ready to jump out and eat away and the green eyed monster inside of me.

It’s strange how when you get what you want, it isnt what you expected. I wanted this blowout for the longest time, and it’s left me feeling hollow and empty. As if all of my pent up anger and frustration towards him was the only thing left connecting me to him. And now that all has been said, there’s nothing left and I’m afraid I’ll lose him again – this time his friendship.