be strong, little aries

be strong, little aries.
be brave. stand tall.
the heart is a muscle.. it cannot break.
it can stretch and tear, but it will always mend.
and it will never, ever break.
be strong, little girl.
love her secretly.
admire her silently.
and do not cry.
be strong, little aries..
you’ve fumbled through worse.

tonight we cried to eachother for fear of our love.
we have not seen eachother for 3 days (the longest amount of time in 6 months) and by wedneday it will be 5.
when we do see eachother, our fate will be determined.

i am scared and at the same time not.
i am an emotional wreck but in the next instant so calm and rational.

should things take a turn for the worst, she will still be my best friend.
she will shower and i will have no urges to sneak in.
we will still go to dinner frequently.
i will still visit her parents.
she will keep her key to my house.

i will not hold her hand while we drive. but i will hold it when she is scared.
i will not cuddle her to go to sleep. but i will cuddle her when she needs it.
i will not wake her with kisses. but i will still kiss her forehead gently when i leave for work.
i will not write songs for her. but i will write songs about her.

i have not cried out of sadness.. but out of appreciating for her painfully beautiful honesty. her vulnerable self depreciating. her tender words and how hearing me in tears made her cry like i have never heard anyone cry before.

if all is well,
we will love eachother the way we always have, deeply and sincerely
and nobody can touch us.

if things do go awry,
we will love eachother deep down inside, but we will not show it.
and nobody will know.

in a tribute to possibly the most beautiful writer i know, i wrote to her;

i want to love like caged birds.
like we have nobody but eachother.