Venting out again by Mrs. pregnant
Jays left this morning around 3am to go to prepare for the annual festival. Saturdays seem to be the longest day of the week for me and its even longer today. My dad has been launching this festival annually last few years. My dad never invited me to join it. Everyone in the family gets some kind of job to do to prepare the festival, and my dad never included me. I never felt included in his life anyway. He doesn’t even like my kids to visit and touching the stuff in the store. I mentioned subtly couple times that how come dad doesn’t really ask for my help. Each time the reply is that dad doesn’t want me to be tired or get hurt. Bullshit. He simply doesn’t want a blind person lounging around in his luxurious store and taking Jays’s precious time away from work. And then, people think we earn easy money or my dad just gives out free money to us for some reasons. Last 7 years, dad spent a lot more time together with Jays than myself or the kids. My dad does give me money to spend once or twice a year, because he thinks that should pay up my time and everything I have to deal with. That’s how he expresses himself to me. With money. All his life. That often controlled my family life. That is one of the big reasons why I want to leave here permanently. I expect no inheritance or any assets lef over from him to me. In fact,my brother is guarding his place like a wolf and sniffs every opportunity to steal money or the merchandise behind everyone’s back. I don’t care about the store. I just feel sorry for my dad that he has to work with my brother and dependent on someone like that after we’re gone. I feel sorry for my dad that he never knows how to enjoy life other than dedicating everything to his work. I never seen a marriage couple as my parents who don’t have much to talk about with each other, and they never do anything together. My dad neglects my mom all the time. My mom became insensitive about being neglected because its been so long to be that way.
My nephew is here today again. I babyseated him last 3 days. He’s only child. He’s mom doesn’t correct him much. He screams constantly, spits, hits, throws stuff, cries about everything. Elizabeth picks up a bad behavior every time she hangs out with him. My brother and his wife never called me before to ask how his doing or wonder how he did or say thank you or anything. I tell myself, he’s only 2 and I try to treat him fair. I feed him, change diapers, and carry him.
My brother never invited us to his place before. They often just walk in to my door uninvited, looking for food to eat and feel free to make a mess. I rote about them calling off at the last minute when we made barbecue and all kinds of food to eat after we already got the food. Since, I never even mentioned about coming over. My brother called one day and asked why I’m not inviting them over. I told him that your wife told me that she was going to cook steaks to invite us like more than a month ago. My brother said that he’ll invite us over that Sunday and called ne back later and told me that his wife said its better for them to come over. It sounded so childish and I stopped responding. Well, there is no more gathering for me with them anyway. His wife’s brother family is flying from Korea to stay for 3 months and I’ll have a newborn and I’ll be busy. Then, I’ll be moving soon.
I had a mild flu and severe migraine last 2 days. I lost the sense of smell. The migraine was so bad that it started from the right side of the head, to my ear, then the whole right side of the gums swelled up, and down to my throat. Every time I moved my head, I felt so painful. My mom made me squeezed lemon and hunny water. I drank it twice and it helped.
Joshua’s off school for a week again from 24. This time, he’ll attend therapy sessions. Its better for Joshua and he doesn’t like being home too long.
Joshua has been getting up at 3 or 4am almost every morning. Its killing me.
I’m pushing myself to move and clean and cook. One day of not cleaning makes this whole place like a junk yard and makes me depressed.
Joshua wet the sheet again. Then, Elizabeth did the next day. I’m just leaving it right now until tomorrow. Tired of washing sheets almost every day.
I really wan to have my bedroom and a bed. I guess depends if we have to move in to a 2 bedroom apt again once we move. I’m not sure though if they will allow 5 of us in to a 2 bedroom. The rent will be around 1000 dollars a month.
My dream is to buy a house in 3 years.
Anyone who crosses this diary and is or has lived in Bakersfield, drop me a line.
Jays bought Elizabeth a barby makeup kit yesterday. She went crazy. I was her model until after the midnight. It was a mess. We had fun though. She was so cute. She wanted to color my whole face with a lipstick and a nail polish on my eyelids. They come right off just washing with warm water though.