Missing them crazy

Sept. 7
I’m basically a homeless person here in Korea. I hav only 1 pair of clothes that I wore when I left the states and 1 jamy. The weather is getting colder here. I’m ran out of money. I pretty much got ripped off by the taxi drivers. I don’t have much to eat and moving one place to another. I called one of my good cousins to borrow money next week. My family and Jays keep contacting me via phone and voicemail, text messages, e-mail, and Kakaotalk. I called the police dept. last week and left a message that I’m not missing since Jays filed for the missing person report on me. I had bought one way plane ticket to Korea, because I planned not to return home until the divorce was on a roll. Jays is begging and pleading with me that things will be different this time. He always tells me how much kids miss me which is most hurtful thing to deal with right now. Its just so painful that I’m putting my kids through this. My innocent children… I cried a lot leaving them before and I cry every day missing them right now. Jays told me that Elizabeth goes to sleep with her blankie and also a shirt of mine. I video chat with her yesterday. She asked, “Mommy, where did u go?” So, I just told her that I’m at doctor and I should come home soon with her princess dress, a barby, and candies. My parents begged me to come back. I wish they just leave me alone until I’m mentally and emotionally ready to return home. Its about 8 years. If I would go back that easily, I wouldn’t have left in the first place.

Continue… Sept. Sept. 16 (Korean time)

I’m still alive and decide to go back on 25th. I’m going to meet Jays face to face and talk about what we really should do and what’s the best thing for the kids. I got to meet an old OU friend and went to buy some clothes, kids’ clothes, and ate some good food. My mom and Jays try to talk to me every day and its not helping me with trying to think and plan for myself. I stopped responding to them since yesterday until I go back. Its Thanksgiving in Korea and people have their days off from this Wednesday until Sunday. I have nowhere to go, so I’m just staying here. Many things did happen and I’ll talk about it soon.