Longing

What a day…

Seriously, I want a day all to myself one day. A while back, I asked Jays to reserve me a hotel for one night on mother’s day. I don’t know which mother’s day I’ll get that wish, but I would like to have a day off from everything and just relax in a hotel room with yummies, movies, music, books, candles, spa goodies and just relaaaaax! I want a good prenatal massage. I want manicure or pedicure done. I haven’t gone to one over 3 years. I want to feel all girly again. However, I must fold that thought and put it asie for now.

Joshua decided to take the eggs and throw them on the floor one by one. I heard the cracks and rushed to the kitchen. I screeched and grabbed his arm and pulled him out of there. I said, Joshua, say sorry. He immitated me sounding almost like it. I know he doesn’t quite understand why I’m upset or understand my emotion. He doesn’t know what sorry means. He smiled and giggled and ran away to his room. The eggs were everywhere. There were some unbroken ones and I put them in a toffleware and put them back in the fridge. I started feeling everywhere with my hands crawling on my knees and scrubbe and wiped. my mom came on time and helped me out.

Elizabeth pooped in the potty today! I was very excited. I saw her sitting down and getting up then sitting down again on her toilet, but I thought she was peeing. I found out later and I went crazy for her.

I have to go groceries tonight. I have only one onion left and need a new dish scrubber. I need couple things. I need bananas and milk and chicken.

I’m still in research, and I think going gluten-free for Joshua may help his gastrointestinal problems. There isn’t much proof scientifically, but I’ve observed many parents of children with autism out there that it helped a lot of them in ample ways. Its a mother’s effort trying anything I could help him. I’m not going to just cut everything right away. I have already replaced white milk with almond or soy milk. I need to go slowly and learn the gluten-free recipes and make sure I’m not just depriving important nutrition.

I’m craving to wear jeans again. I don’t know when that will be… Will I ever go down to 117 lbs or wear size 2? I don’t know. My boobs and but got way bigger and heavy. Its everywhere. I jokingly asked the doctor to just grab the fat under my skin and chop it off when she does c-section on me. lol

I regret about installing flat top stove. I have no problem locating the spot,but it gets too crusty and way more to clean up then the electric or the gas stove. I like the gas stove the best.

Yes, losing eyesight and have to live in a blurry world is very difficult and challenging, especially, after losing eyesight when I was able to see everything before. Still, there is no impossibility for me. I just hav to take little more time and take a different rout. However, not able to drive really frustrates me when Jays is not around. I can’t take the kids out or go run the errands. I feel as if physically I’m not efficient enough for the kids. I know my love and care for my kids will never disqualify nor less than any mothers out there, but its just that I can’t do certain things like I wish I could. Taking pictures of them or see their faces and make eye contacts with them. I never yearn this much to see again until I gave birth to my kids. Before I had kids, I just accepted the fact that I became blind and just be positive about it. Once I have my kids, there are quite a time that I feel like life isn’t fair. But I’ll never stop. I’ll do anything and everything I can as a mother for my children.