Live in present
“Patience with other is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith.” — Adel Bestavro
This quote caught my attention yesterday and even facebooked it. That’s what I have to work on more. Patience. Taking a big breath and clearing my mind once again…
August crawled by very slowly. September will be very long, too. Very long…
Baby’s kicking a lot. She has hickups as I’m writing this. I think I have enough clothes for her and need to be washed soon. I have a crib. I can’t think of what I really need to buy. I probably have to buy a new car seat for her.
Elizabeth is very good with peeing in her toilet already. We always go crazy for her whenever she peed there and do all that chicken dance and high fives with her. She needs to work on pooping in there now. Hopefully, she could be completely off her diaper and pullups by her 3rd birthday in November.
Jays said he needs to spend 600 dollars on buying computer system. I know he’s doing it to prepare for the business and I’m sure he knows what he’s doing but frustrating for me to see the money in the shoe box is going down again. He said we’ll have enough money to move, but I’m worried if we’ll have enough money to survive for few months after getting an apartment or a house to rent. Well, I just have to trust the man.
I can’t make it to class next week, but the following week I have to go. There’ll be one 2 hour class and one 30 minute class. Well, its all for the baby… I need to make sure she’ll be ok. I really watched what I ate yesterday. I’m cutting juice or any sugary drink. I’ve been drink lots of water and soy milk and no candies. In fact, I felt less heavy this morning and less swelling.
I’m keep forgetting to take my iron.
I was regretting so much that I left college back in the days to California to be with my ex when I had every opportunity to finish school. After that, no matter how much I struggled to go back, the situation didn’t allow me. I’ve caused myself a big loss and I’m very sorry. Its been depressing me a lot to think about it. I have to remember that its been done and finished, I should really concentrate on the present. I have to let go of things in the past that are scattering my mind. They’re doing no good to me. I need to enjoy today and hope and dream for the better future. One thing I know for sure is that I won’t be a stumbbling block to my children for them to build their own future. My parents affected my life so much that I often feel resentful, but I don’t want to do that to my kids. I won’t pressure them. I may share my beliefs and thoughts, but I won’t try to have them to become what I want them to be. I’ll allow them to explore their dreams in every possible ways and support them in every step. My parents didn’t praise me for my a’s but rather lecture me for the b’s. My dad never, never called me while I was in college even just to say hi or ask how are you. My dad never was really involved in my life until I had to do something to benefit his own stuff like his business. My parents were in hurry to create a wedding, which I don’t even count it as a wedding, to hide that I was pregnant before marriage. Dad needed Jays and when I got pregnant with him, my dad’s response was not happy at that time. My parents deny everything but make sure I don’t forget what they did for me. Mostly with money part… It hurts to think about… There are too many things I can’t even list. I want to forget, I just want to be happy.
Sigh…
A lot of dishes again…
Need to forgive, forget, and move on…