A few words.
I was talking with someone, and they asked me what I thought I would tell my 12 year old self if I could go back into the past and talk to her. I’ve spent a few days thinking about it, and here’s what I came up with:
Nobody is perfect. Everyone in your life will let you down at least once, as you will let everyone in your life down at least once. What’s important is how you mend the wounds and the space between, and you promise one another you’ll try as hard as you can not to let one another down again.
Life isn’t about perfection. It never was, it never will be. We all die. This isn’t sad, this isn’t a grand sin or disappointment, it’s a fact. We will all die. Death is as natural as birth is on this earth. If life was about perfection, it would be infinite and we would never die. Life is, however, about making it the best it can be. That is something you must actively strive for, it won’t come if you just sit about and wait for it. Get off your ass, do something.
Not every day will be good. Even when you try, a lot of days will be bad. In my case, most days will be bad. What’s important is what you do with the good days. How you celebrate them. How you remember them. How you covet their memories and keep them close to your heart to help ease the bad days.
Do what you love. If you don’t wake up in the morning and whole-heartedly look forward to what you’re doing, you’re doing the wrong thing. Your passion should be like your breath, and without it you should feel as if you are suffocating. It should be your solace, where you go to when everything else has turned to shit and you haven’t a friend in the world. It should be something that makes you feel better, no matter what.
You will get hurt. I promise you, you will get hurt, and the hurt will be so bad that you will want to die. Perhaps you will, perhaps you won’t. Take lessons from the pain. Take lessons from the mistakes you made, and perhaps next time it won’t hurt quite so much.
Friends are the most important things in the world. In your life, no matter what happens, stand up for your friends. When you can, be their support. Be open arms for them. Fight for them, die for them, take a bullet for them. Give your all, because they will do the same for you. Laugh with them, chill with them, and sometimes just sit on your ass and do nothing with them. These too are the memories that will get you through the hard days in the future.
Love who you are, because when everyone else is gone, you will look in the mirror and need someone there who doesn’t hold any sort of expectation or contempt for you. If that person isn’t there, then the night will pass as slowly and painfully as you can ever imagine. And trust me, I know it’s hard, but you are a good person, no matter what you may tell yourself, child. Take a breath, and give yourself a smile. Give yourself a hug. Let yourself cry on your own shoulder. Because this too shall pass, and in the morning when you awake and know that you were there for yourself, it’ll help dull the pain. It’ll help you feel that tiny iota better, and it’ll make all the difference in the world.
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-M