The Word

It’s not worry. It’s wondering. I was sitting in the Country Buffet and suddenly you crossed my mind. Faint scent of Iowa. And I wondered. I wonder about myself. Why do I hold this faint strand of connection to the past, a past that existed in some side universe that is slightly askew to reality?

Or maybe it existed in this reality. In an instant, particles dancing backwards and forwards through time. You can’t determine their location and momentum in the same moment. Boundary conditions. But you can localize one of the two. Pinpoint 1/2 of the equation to infinite accuracy, while the other whirls off into charged chaos.

I was reading this paper, online, translated from French by this physicist Lafreniere. He has this theory that matter is made of waves; these waves interact to form electrons, and through some math I don’t even begin to understand, these electrons create everything.

A unified theory of everything. To me, it feels like magic, which is why I’m using his theory, what I understand of it to form a foundation for my own. Magic that is. At least one form of magic, caught in one moment, 1/2 of the equation, the other half growing less and less defined as the first comes clear.

Lewis Black has his IHOP. For me, it’s the Country Buffet. Not by choice. By choice, I’ll take the chocolate chip pancakes, extra syrup please. But Tuesdays = grandmother, and my grandmother loves the Country Buffet. And bit by bit, familiarity breeds resonance. Harmony. Indigestion and canned hits breed an attempt at meaning. And I think of Iowa. The background music of my life is singing your song. For one moment. And I ask myself, does this matter? Is there another half to this equation? Because I can’t see it, does it mean it’s not there?

Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty is a gap too far to bridge. Grab at one side, the other disappears. The music changes. The moment passes. And it’s just electrons again. Bouncing backwards and forwards through the infinite depths of space and time. Electrons form atoms. Atoms form matter. Matter forms meat, potatoes, vegetables, and chocolate cake. And I’m back for a second course. Because I treated for lunch today, and I’m hungry, and even if drenched in oil, the food makes me a little bit nauseas, second choice insight is better than none at all.

And that’s the word.