The End

We are no longer friends. I feel the need to write this here because I never expected things to get to this point. My best friend asked me what it would take to not want to have you in my life. Afterall, you’ve lied to me, leached money off of me for over a year, went out with other women in spite of the fact you were living on my dime and in my house.

Even with all of this I still felt you were worth it. I took responsibility for what you said I didn’t do to make our relationship more successful. I asked myself, ‘how could I have been a better friend? A better girlfriend?’ When I looked back at our years together, I remembered how you helped me out, gave me strength through things I thought I couldn’t stand for on my own. That borrowed strength made everything seem worth it. The scales, while overloaded on both sides, seemed balanced. But today a line was crossed.

If you love me, you will be honest with me, even if honesty is not the easy path.

If you love me, you won’t risk my life without telling me.

If you love me, you won’t leave it to others to tell me your secrets.

You said you never wanted to hurt me. You said you loved me. You lied.

I look at myself and I see someone pathetic. I look at myself and I see someone who has let herself be made weak. But I know I am stronger than this. Stronger than my mistakes. Stronger than yours.

I will cry for you, and I will miss what I thought was between us. But when the tears dry, only salt remains. The salt that rubs inside you, stings your soul, lays your wounds out to the world in all of their putrid splendor. Ready to be open and drained and poured out. The truth hurts. It burns and stays with you. But it makes you clean as well. Lance the flesh, cut the dead edges, let the puss drain out, and once the wound is cleaned, it can knit back together. It may not be pretty, but scar tissue comes back stronger than untouched flesh.

I hate that I can’t forgive you; I hate that I want to. But if you decide to put my life in danger, I have to ask myself, what am I willing to die for? So that you can have a good time with some other girl who believes you when you say you love her, want to fuck her, fuck condoms, we’ll all get fucked…fuck that!

If you want to play games with my life, you should damn well tell me the rules.

I never asked you to be faithful. I asked you to stay safe. I never asked you to take care of me. I asked you to take care of yourself. I asked you to be honest with me. I don’t think I asked for that much.