Sooner

Mike is mad at me because i told his girlfriend the truth about him. Partially. She had been saying she was going to leave him because she thought he was cheating and he was neglectful…I told her how he had cheated on me multiple times and that he seemed to be acting the same way now. Truth is, she and I had been getting close, and while I didn’t feel guilty at first that he and I had had sex while they were together because she’s married and they had been sleeping with each other for a month before telling me the truth, I started to feel guilty once we started becoming friends.

She had told me that he claimed we had stopped having sex because I was becoming clingy…and the truth that I didn’t tell her is that he’s been saying he was going to leave her because she’s a "horrible person and doesn’t want to get better." and we’ve been having sex off and on until the pregnancy. So I told her about how he and I had sex the day of the halloween party, which he told me was when they first got together…and turns out he lied to me and it had been official a few days prior (but of course they had been screwing for a month and a half with him saying he was just talking to some girl that he made up.) So, she was mad because he’s been getting onto her repeatedly for making out with people at the party and he had sex with me. The asshole.

She talked to him.He talked to me. And he claims that we didn’t have sex before the party. I nearly bitch slapped that motherfucker. I have a freaking journal entry written about it the week that it happened, on here because I was so pissed that he would screw me right before asking a girl out and the fact that he had lied about who it was- someone I was becoming friends with.

Anyway…you’d think she’d be upset to find out this info and would leave him and maybe not want to talk to me much because I’d remind her of it or something.

Nope.

She is pissed at me and is convinced I’m lying.

He. forgave. me………..

He told me to lie about lying, tell her I got my dates mixed up or whatever. He said he loved me and wanted me in his life and while I fucked up it wasn’t something he couldn’t fix. I haven’t heard from her since, and he told me if I told her i was mistaken then our friendship could be salvaged.

I don’t want to lie to her anymore. I have enough guilt from lying by omission. While I can tell myself: "She’s married, we weren’t friends, I didn’t know half way through that they were together, she knew about me". Truth is she didn’t know after they were official and once we started talking, it felt…really bad. No matter the bad things he said about her, I felt like a whore. He said my morals are mixed up. I don’t see how he can’t see it as a bad thing. Then again. Look at him.

I think what pushed me over the edge about hiding it was when he tried to get her and me into a threesome. She and I were being mean and joking at his expense and he ended up stripping us and we were hiding under a blanket. I remember saying, "if we don’t move, maybe he won’t see us." I was very uncomfortable and looked panicked apparently. He tried talking Casey into getting me into the mood, and she refused. He finally let me leave after many awkward minutes of moving away from them while he fingered her and his failed attempt at turning me on. I just looked at him, almost disgusted. I don’t mind the idea of a threesome….but it just wasn’t the time or place. For fucks sake, I’m STILL bleeding from the abortion pill that he so desperately wanted me to get. At least he didn’t make me leave through the fucking window again.

So I told him I wasn’t going to take back what I said, that I should have confessed sooner, should have said more than I did and that honestly I don’t deserve her friendship. Yeah, he cheated on her with another girl on New Year’s, yeah, he’s planning on cheating with another girl, yeah it could have been anyone besides me, and there were a few others. But I was one of them. I’ve never been the other woman before, and the only thing that makes me feel better is that she’s cheating on her husband with him in the first place. Well, that and her deceit in the beginning.

I also told him that I thought he and I should have time away from each other. I’ve been hanging out with my high school art buddies. And I haven’t thought of it much. I’ve called myself a whore and him an asshole a few times, but most of the time I’m at peace with the situation.

She made a mistake by cheating on her husband, her husband made the mistake of being a general ass, Mike made the mistake of cheating with multiple women, I made the mistake of being one of those women.

I do not see outing myself as being a mistake. I wish I had done it sooner.