Fuuuuuuuu

Well. I’m pregnant. And Mike found out. He freaked. Said I had to get rid of it, he’d pay, that his life was so close to be ruined, his Christmas was ruined, that he’d be freaking until it was fixed. He didn’t even hug me while I was crying. He said it wasn’t my fault, but he really didn’t act like he knew this affected me too. Hell, it affects me more. I’m the one that has to get the abortion. I’m the one that feels sick and ultimately has to decide to do it. He was all about how this was bad for him. He made me leave through his freaking window so his mom wouldn’t see that I had been crying. It was like the walk of shame.

"I can’t believe this is happening. How did this happen?" Um..well, we had sex without me being on birth control, which I told you I wasn’t on before we had sex.

He said we aren’t to hang out until this is fixed. Jesus. What a freaking drama queen. I have an appointment already, I wasn’t going to even make him pay for it. No one that he knows knows about it. He doesn’t have to go with me, he doesn’t have to do anything. And yet he acts like his life is destroyed until the appointment.

I’m definitely not having sex with him ever again. I don’t know if we’ll be friends at all after this. Making me leave through the window? And how selfish he acted. I knew he was an ass before, but this was just.. crazy. I hadn’t cried about it at all until he freaked out about it.

And no, don’t send me any messages about how I’m going to hell for doing this. Sorry, I’m not having a kid with my abusive ex boyfriend so I can drop out of college and be a single mom and everyone call me a whore even though more than 3/4 of the people I know have kids and are younger than me and this is the first time I got preggo. Although I’ll probably still be called a whore because of getting pregnant period. Fuck whoever thinks that. I’ve been with 3 people and I’m 22. Most of my friends are in the double digits. (I have one friend that has been with 99 people. Ninety fucking nine. That shit is insane.) And if you go by amount of time I’ve been sexually active, I started when I was 15. I was with my first until I was 18. 3 people in 7 years. If that makes me a whore then every person I know is a whore.

So. My Christmas is this. And I have to watch my demented grandmother. No, we didn’t have a Christmas meal. I got face wash for Christmas. And pregnant. And I get the abortion pill January 4th. The 7 year anniversary of my dad’s death, and the one year anniversary of Trey’s car wreck. Maybe I should go on about how there are things I’m thankful for but this isn’t fucking thanksgiving.

I’m three or four weeks pregnant. I think I have some sort of right to be bitchy in a journal.