Disgusted

So far I’ve lost 15 pounds. I now weigh 205 and I can fit in 15/16s comfortably. Things slowed down after Thanksgiving. Mike keeps getting onto me for my dieting. It annoys him I guess. One minute he’ll call me a moo cow, and the next he’ll say if I lost more weight I’d be too skinny, and yet he likes girls a lot smaller than me. And at some point he was rating women from 1-10 for fun and when I asked what I was he said, in all seriousness, I was a 4. Ouch.

I decided I need to block out his opinions. They confuse and hurt me too much; I can’t take the ups and downs. I also need to stop buying him shit. If he were my boyfriend it would be different, but he’s not. I shouldn’t feel obligated to buy him a $60 hat and food every time I see him. Although, I admit we act like a couple in every way other than the title. Except for when he’s super mean to me because I annoy him. Apparently i let things bother me to easily.

I’m hoping I can stop caring as much. I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt over someone that things have been over with for about five years. Enough is enough. He’s a friend. Period.

And honestly I don’t even want a relationship. Talking to Mike, the way he talks…Well, he pretty much said whoever anyone gets with is going to cheat eventually. It made me feel jaded as hell. I don’t want to get into a relationship knowing they’ll cheat…(another reason I don’t want to be with him, I know he will cheat, he has before. Always does with everyone pretty much.) I just can’t trust people getting an inside view of a man’s mind like that. I’m disgusted with people.