10/07/2012

I sent a text to Mike for the first time in a long time. I told him that if he didn’t ever want to be on decent terms again and if I didn’t get a reply, then I would never bother or text him again, but I felt like it would be easiest, considering Jamie, to put aside our anger even if we will never be close again. And that it kind of felt like we had a divorce and Jamie had to pick which parent to spend the weekend with. I was surprised when I got a text back, but it didn’t really tell me anything. He said I got him all wrong, he’s not mad, he’s just done. So i don’t know if that was him saying we weren’t going to be on decent terms for Jamie, or if that was him saying he simply didn’t want to be friends, which I didn’t really offer up because that ship has sailed. Because if he was just saying he wasn’t down for what I suggested, why didn’t he just not reply, which is what I assumed he’d do which is why I said that in my text.

See, him replying, and what he said makes me wonder if he was agreeing to be on decent terms, but not friends, for Jamie. Because for a while now if I was there, he wouldn’t come over.  I don’t know. I just didn’t expect a reply at all, I just wanted to let him know, on my side, that I didn’t care if he wanted to hang out and I was there. Despite what he did, and how he acted, I don’t care anymore. No, I will not be friends, and no I don’t want to sleep with him, or at least my brain doesn’t. Sometimes my hormones say I do. But I won’t, that’s the point.

Anyway, I told him if he wanted to discuss it further to just text me because I wasn’t going to text him first again. It’s up to him.

My feelings on the subject:

I do kind of miss him in a weird, twisted way. I decided to end the friendship, and i guess it’s a good thing he’s helping me keep that decision. Sometimes you change your mind when you miss someone, but he’s not any different than before, and I have to keep that in mind. By texting him it came off like he ended the friendship and I was asking forgiveness, but that’s not how it was. I ended it, and then I came back asking to be decent with one another. Why do I feel like I put myself in a vulnerable position when I was just trying to be mature? I’m guessing I feel vulnerable because I do miss him kind of. But that’s that.