01/24/2013

So, things are interesting. Single, but talking to two guys. They know about each other, of course. Trey, my ex, is one of them. I’m a bit off on how to feel with him. Like, I love him, and do want to be with him one day, but I’m scared of it too. Part of me is scared of him dying or some shit, after the accident. Plus, I just want to take it slow, and I’m not ready to be engaged again, and I’m afraid if we say we’re together we’ll just pick up where we left off, and I want to start over. Anyway, so I’m also talking to this other guy, Matt…And yeah. There’s a few similarities between him and an ex that are startling, but the bad things about my ex are not in him. Similar traits: He loves Russia and Germany, he’s really tall, similar face in certain positions,  big in general, has a bad knee, really smart but doesn’t have perfect grammar/can’t spell all that great. Differences: has been with 3 or 4 girls, isn’t racist, shy. There’s other things, but yeah…He’s like….the innocent version of this other guy. And it’s quite startling. And he cuddles me, and gives me kisses, and kisses me on the head, and he’s so freaking adorable. :3 I have to be careful not to fall in love with him.

I enjoy my time with Matt, and he said he considers me as part of his chosen family and said he loved me, and we discussed that basically until he says it’s romantic, he means in a caring, friendship way. But yeah. I like him.

Rocky apparently was at the hospital for a while on suicide watch. I don’t know what to do about that. I want to make him happy, but he broke up with me. I don’t know, I just wish his family would take it seriously since his mom committed suicide. Why aren’t they taking care of business?

I don’t know what to do for the time being. I’m back in school, yay! and talking to two guys, hmm…and this is new for me. I’ve never just dated. I was always either with someone, or single. I never did the "talking" to multiple people thing. I’m also not good with spreading out the niceness. I’ve been enjoying my time with Matt at the expense of Trey. But I think that’s because I’m scared to get too close to Trey again. Mehhhh.