The Quiet Breakup

Last night, I went over Anna’s for our weekly study date. On the way, I stopped at the Makiki General Store and bought some chocolate and a bottle of wine. It was cool out – autumn like – but not chilly. I was feeling a little light-headed from coffee and the residual traces of the anemia, but I made the bike-ride up the hill alright.

At the door, I texted (it didn’t go through), then tried to call, but there was no answer. For some reason, I felt like something might be wrong. The text eventually went through and she came on down. Tonight, there would be no cooking. She had bought Vietnamese food at the farmer’s market for dinner and some chocolate ice-cream for desert.

We sat on the balcony, our usual places reversed for some reason, and looked out over the dim skyscrapers of Honolulu. I ate the Vietnamese curry and she ate the soup and had a glass of wine. It was a heavy meal, but yummy.

Finally, we made our way back in to study and I thumped my stack of books on the table. For a moment, we looked at some pictures that a friend had sent her back from Peru, then she lingered behind me chair.

“When we have a moment, later, we should talk about relationship stuff,” she said.

“Oh, alright,” I said, a little surprised. We had had a similar talk a couple of weeks ago, but decided to try to make things work out. Qual stress and homework had taken its toll of my mood and my free time, but I was going to try to be more open, more available. “Now is better, I guess.”

“It’s not really working,” was all she said.

I nodded. “So, is this it?” We talked a little more. I was understanding about it. She was understanding about the exam. But that was it.

“Should I… pack up?”

“You don’t have to leave right away,” she said.

“I think I’ll have a glass of wine and head out.” It was only 8:30.

We chatted for a little bit, awkwardly. An emotional wall had already gone wall. At moments I felt on the verge of crying a little, or letting my voice crack, but I held it together. I knew this was coming and had thought about having a talk with her myself. Still, it’s never easy.

Finally, I finished my wine, got my bicycle, hugged her, and made my way out. As if I were in a John Cusack movie, rain began to spit just as I rode my bike down the hill and past the cemetery. I still felt a bit shocked and confused, but as I rode I glanced off down the roads and into the city. On my way over, I had seen some interesting buildings lit up with Halloween decorations and thought, “Hmmm, I wish I had time to explore those.”

Well, now I would.