Dreams After Kalalau
The trip to Kalalau was an amazing adventure – one I’ve done 5 times now and never had the chance to document thoroughly here on opendiary. I’ve written all about it in my paper journals, but it’s nice to be able to type entries out too.
Dreams of the woods
This year, the dreams afterward have been particularly vivid. Twice, I woke from dreams that I was in camp with Jake or Serge, cooking, enjoying the woods, and taking care of my tarp and sleeping bags. Sometimes, I dreamt I was walking through the mango groves, my feet shuffling through the leaves. At other times I was hiking up the trail in the setting sun.
A Dream of Amanda
Other sorts of dreams came, too. Amanda was on my mind periodically. I’m glad we’re separated, but we spent so long dating that I sometimes have my regrets and wonder just a little bit if there’s not some way to patch it up or try again. One morning, I woke up from a dream where she an I made up and I was telling her ‘I love you and I’m sorry.’ It was an intense way to start the morning.
But then a friend on facebook (Emily from UMBC) posted a long story on facebook about her abusive ex who would argue and blame her for things, who would never say he was sorry, and he still sort of used her for stuff today, and I thought, ‘Yeah, I deserve better than that, too.’ I commented and we both talked a little and she was really supportive.
The other thing that made me think of Amanda was a post of hers on facebook. She posted about her trip to Japan for spring break and how she went to a Passover dinner with Jewish folk there. She said, ‘It’s the most she felt at home since she moved to Hawaii,’ which made me really sad, since I tried to make her feel at home here, but also reminded me that it’s just not my fault that she’s unhappy. I had (have) no way to control whether she likes it here and frankly it’s kind of crazy that she doesn’t. That’s OK, but it doesn’t have to be my burden to bear, and that’s part of the reason we had to split up.
The River
Last night’s dream started out as more wilderness exploration with Jake and Elan. I was guiding a boat up a river, looking for the correct route to some destination, but the river forked at multiple places and we didn’t know which way to go. I kept turning around in place, trying to avoid reeds and rocks and other dangers. Finally, we pulled over by an abandoned-looking brick building, which Elan claimed was from ‘8-Mile’.
Escaping School
Last night, I dreamt of visiting a school. It looked normal from the outside, but spiraled deep into the ground. Dan and I went inside and were looking around, then started heading down to the other grades. I have no idea what got the plan started, but there we were. You don’t realize it’s strange going into a school, I think, until you’re finally an adult and get used to the world of colleges and universities, where everything is so cosmopolitan. But as a kid, having a new adult (even just a high schooler or something) walking around feels like having an alien visit.
‘You’re looking for the service in the church?’ one teacher asked.
‘Yeah,’ I said, thinking of Christmas music and hymns. ‘Do you have high schoolers here, too?’ I asked, noticing some of the students looked closer to my age and frankly, a bit cute. ‘My elementary and middle went from grade 1-8’ I added by way of explanation.
But then I felt embarrassed for even asking and we decided to leave. Dan and I headed for the elevator, but a teacher along the way wanted to stop us and it turned into a matrix-style fight scene escape. He was wielding a pencil like a weapon, so I grabbed his arm, leapt up, and started kung-fu / tae-kwon-do kicking in the air to keep people away. Dan and I sprinted from there for the elevator and leapt through the closing doors, then finally rant out and got into our car up on the surface.