Back to work, back in time

Going back to work, school, college… generally it’s not something we look forward to after the holidays. But there have been periods of my life where it wasn’t a big deal, or where I was even looking forward to getting back to my routine. Is it normal to dread the back to work experience? Sometimes, yes, but I think it’s also possible to enjoy our work enough that we don’t feel bad about.

Man, I looked back through some old entries from 18-19 years ago to get some perspective and I was having a rough time back then. Going back to class wasn’t what was on my mind. I was angry about relationships. Frustrated with classes and work and some of my friends. Having weird dreams and nightmares. I really needed better ways to de-stress, because TaeKwonDo as not doing it for me. I didn’t dread the first week of January or February so much as the frigid weather and grey skies, and I was eager to leave my hometown behind and see more of the world. At the time, I was debating whether to leave my hometown and teach English in Japan, or whether to stay, keep connected to friends and family in Baltimore, and settle in for a life trajectory that I could track.

Ultimately, I decided to go to Japan, even though my first plan didn’t work out, I graduated a year late, and my friend George (who interviewed with me) ended up heading off on his own. At the time, I thought, hey… going to college and experiencing a new place and new people was incredible. Going to Japan will be like that, but 10x the experience. Whew, well, it was 10x the intensity alright, both with the highs and lows. I had so much to learn.

Some of my entries have cussing and rough language. In others I’m frustrated with my friends. I guess these things are natural, but my regret is not being more empathic and less egotistical. My ego would take a big hit when I was lonely and lost in Japan, but it would come and go over time. Hopefully I’m more humble now… I don’t know. I certainly feel I’ve grown after having so many different experiences, grappling with depression and isolation and moves all over the place.

This year, as I head back to work, I’m not really stressed out. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but so far things are going alright. I’m grateful for my job, a stable home, and a healthy family. Hopefully things continue to go well, and I continue to learn and grow into 2025.