Mr. Self-Destruct

I come to you now, after another dastardly evening of bodily-normalcy rejection; another fit of tyrannical power, fetid flesh and crucial (truly, crucial) compromise.

I woke up at 9pm on sunday night, and proceeded to stay any attempt at sleep in a feeble attempt to recalibrate my sleeping pattern. The delium kicked in most triumphantly around 5pm today, and i could barely sustain sanity as the prof rambledrambledrambled on about trial law. In other news, i payed attention in corporations for once. Perhaps i’ll succeed in that class yet. But side-stories aside, my friends all emitted the traditional befuddlement-chuckle response when they asked why i was "acting odd" at school today. They all commented on how "i could stay up all night." None of them managed to ask exactly while i had awoken at 9pm the following night; hmm, poor lawyers i think. (Likewise, i didn’t tell them).

Its 4am now, and i’m about to go back to bed. However, i wanted to drop a little note of the past-weekend quickly, as i have been particularly slacking/lazying…and for exactly the right reason. I refuse to write here when im in my "sad" states…and my oh my, this weekend could perhaps have been the worst instance ever. I hung out with Anna thursday, was supposed to hang with her friday but ditched her because of my loathing hate building up, and i was planning on skipping poker night on saturday, but against my better judgment, i went anyway. I did not drink at poker, but i can’t remember i single thing about it. Seriously, its a fog/hazy memory; another sigh of severity. Sigh, i’m not happy about where that one seems to be going.

On another note, my cousin from PA is apparently doing bad in highschool, so my aunt (his mother) called me crying and asked me to talk to him "because he looks up to you" and so, i have been. This isn’t my first intervention of this sort, and back in college my mother often asked me to talk with the "gothic kids" that her friends at work were having trouble dealing with. It tended to work well, because those people relate to me, supposedly because im genuine,  whatever the f–k that means. Either way, he’ll be ok, hes a smart boy, trying to find his way during the teenage years amongst the ridicule of being smart, the stress of athleticism, and the pull of popularity. I remember those days well, and i remember which way i chose, and honestly, i dont regret it. Stories with friends> an "A" any day. On the other hand, hes failing, which is absurd. To fail in high school requires effort. Still, i should be able to fix this.

-My extended family is coming for graduation; the date is set, and i am truly unbelieveably grateful. I can-not wait.

Finally- I awoke this evening after a horrific dream involving my (ficticious) girlfriend (once again one of those i knowsheisthereandicanfeelourrelationship, but she has no concrete face, or defined features.  She was apparently pregnant, and some demon was coming (for some foul reason) to steal it away, and (of course, i was trying to protect her)

The story ends/gets interesting because at one point, when the demon is getting close (this huge, almost-moss covered thing) i whisper for her to run, and then i turn, face the demon and scream: "I am Zin’rok, Destroyer of Worlds; face me demon, and feel my wrath."  

Fuck. I have been gaming too much.

Oodles o’ love,

Erotique