Acceptance Creeping in.

My heart has calmed a bit of late…enough at least, to put mind to finger and create some semblance of a real entry.

The news really has not improved.

My grandmother’s health is "declining" (Oh how i have come to dread that word!), but thankfully, it is a holiday weekend, so I am flying home to PA to visit yet again (3 flights in a month!)

Work is going amazingly well. Today, after juvenile court, after 2 hours of client meetings and court orders and arguing with the juvenile officers, i stepped outside the detention center, paused, and gaped a huge smile. I really do love my job, and every person who looks down on me as a "public defender" and not a private attorney can f-off. There was a reason i have always been drawn to this job, since the first days of law school.

And now, here i am, almost a year into it, and loving it. Truly loving it.

Northeast Missouri is treating me well. I had my hair cut a few days ago (its between chin and shoulder length now…like back in the days of highschool) and I really like it. The best part though, I was walking in downtown hannibal during my lunchbreak, and the UPS man was in his brown truck, at a stoplight. He leans out and says "E, you got your hair cut! I like it."-And another smile creased my lips. I love it that everybody here seems to notice everything. That everyone knows everyone. Its very liberating, and very trusting. It also gives me a bit of insight into why they punish criminals so harshly here.

I spoke to Clay, my now-married friend from college. (in fact, i do believe i wrote an entry about his wedding way back in 2001…) in mid july we bought tickets for a paint-ball fight in PA, which is 24 hours straight, a reinactment of the invasion of normandy. I’m so looking forward to it!

I’m still wrestling over moving back to PA. I reallyreallyreally want to for many reasons. On the other hand, I really like it here. It sucks I’m out here "on my own." But, thus is life sometimes. Hopefully that will change soon. I’ve been trying to convince some of my friends to come out to stay (a few have already come to visit). That, or i need to find a stable, serious girlfriend who actually wants to start a "family."

I don’t know what the hell happened, but my brain has converted to "settle down and have a family" mode. I think it has something to do with me being referred to as "an important man in the community" by too many people. That or its just old age. I am 30 after all!

I’m going to see NIN in august. Remember what happened at my last NIN concert? (haha!) I am looking foward to it!

-I keep telling myself the worst is over. I hope thats true. I’m still here, which is what matters. Not broken yet, not. yet.

Oodles o’ love,

Erotique