You

All I ever think about is you. I can’t really tell if that’s the right way to be but it never feels wrong and I never want it to go away. As shocked as I am to even be in this situation, I guess I was most worried about losing control of everything. That’s still hard. I’ve spent a long time being alone and staying in my comfort zone trying to pretend I actually have control of my life. It’s clear to me that I don’t, especially now, so I do my best to take each day one at a time. That’s hard. I want to speed it up and extrapolate all the possibilities so I can better be prepared for what could happen but I know I can’t really do that. I’m one half of something now and I’ve only really been that once, maybe twice in my life and never at this magnitude.

My life seems to balance on what you say, what you think, how you feel and that scares the shit out of me. I like it, but it’s scary. All I can do is trust you with all my heart and so that’s what I do. I hope you know that you can trust me and that I’ll do my best to never hurt you. And I know you know that we’re in a fucked up situation and everything seems so impossible but I believe anything is possible if we’re together, when we’re together. I’ve given up my need to control everything and I want you to know that even though I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my entire life I’m ok with it. I live for it. And I hope every day brings us closer together because I know that all I want is for us to be together. I don’t know how I know that. It seems so ridiculous. It seems stupid. We’re both idiots, for sure, but at least we can be idiots together.

I choose you.