The Cast of Characters Expands With Tony’s Belt

Today, a hodgepodge of things I’ve been meaning to commit to paper but haven’t gotten around to yet.

There’s a new fellow at work, though I can’t say for certain if he’s new in general or just new to me since I hadn’t seen him before I saw him that first time. Anyway he rides around the factory on this large tricycle-like device with a big metal basket situated between the back two wheels. This basket carries office supplies of varying magnitude — I’ve seen it house things from mere boxes of paperclips to boxes of reams of paper — but they’re always invariably some type of office supply. I have never seen the man actually speak any words or engage in conversation with anyone, though his middle-aged demeanor and relatively friendly stature does not seem as though it should be particularly detrimental to his conversation-making skills. All I have ever seen him do besides pedal and ring his little bike chime (yes, a little ring! ring! is mounted on the handlebars just like when we were kids) is smile. Smile big, with all his teeth, and squinty eyes like his smile is just so intense he can’t possibly keep his eyes open since the whole of his consciousness and the muscles of his face are all wholly devoted to his smile. He smiles and rings and I have named him Happy Bike Man because that’s the way it goes.

In addition to Happy Bike Man, I have also developed a secret nemesis named Smiley Joe, no relation to Happy Bike Man. Smiley Joe is the embodiment of my lust. When I am over at the accessory cell putting acme nuts into the big wheels and using the wrench or whatever to make them fit, Smiley Joe always happens to wander by with his friend, Freckled Tom, and look at me. There is tension in the air, tension that reeks of me wanting to scream “I’m better than you!” but it doesn’t. Smiley Joe and Freckled Tom are kids that can’t be much older than me. What makes it different is that they’re always carrying around coffee and clipboards and going into the air conditioned office rooms. This means they have better jobs than me. I hate them because to them, I am a mere factory grunt. For all they know I’m dumber than a rock and smell like urine, fine standing among my co-workers but a lesser form of employee when compared to the Officers in their cushy offices. I want to tell him “no! I have a future! This is temporary! No really” but it won’t happen and I don’t really care what he thinks. Anyway he always has this shit-eating grin on his face so I call him Smiley Joe. Also he looks like Budnick from that old Nickelodeo show “Salute Your Shorts.” I hope he dies in a freak fishing accident. Or at least that he is maimed. Severely. Not TOMORROW mind you, just some day. Some day I hope he is maimed in a fishing accident.

Also in our factory, we have some famous people. Over the PA system they announce calls that people get. A lot of the time I hear the name “Randy Vandyker” which sounds remarkably similar to my name, and I think I have calls, but I don’t. Then sometimes I hear what I’m pretty sure IS my name, and I just don’t care. I am a bad writer tonight. Anyway Aaron Carter and Michael Landon both work at the factory which amazes me because Aaron Carter is some little kid similar to a Backstreet Boy, and Michael Landon is pretty dead.

Take note of the following!

Laughter is very close to crying, and you’ll know it when you’re doing both at the same time. They segue and skew into one another and I’m pretty sure that if one could sync it so that they overlapped every time, there would be great feelings of relief.

I have not investigated this very deeply but I think it is true.

Today it rained and that’s alright because I’m the only one home since my family is visiting some relatives or something. I don’t know why I connected the two events, them gone and raining, in my mind, but I did.

I am fairly sure my eloquence with words comes and goes like my family. But the more I think about it, they’re gone quite often.

OOH LOOK THATS NEATO ISNT IT YEH