Why i am like this

I have no idea but he said he’s really trying to make it work for us, so idk either i sit here and wait around,  which i promised to never do anymore or i get what i want.

What i don’t want to do is get ready and it doesn’t happen at all. So, I’m trying to just keep things neutral.

But thats really hard to do. Its just its what i want and I’m afraid it’ll get screwed up, somehow.

I’m a grown ass woman, why am i acting this way now?

Because i feel like if it doesn’t happen,  it never will.

I want him to know i am serious about things this time,  but maybe he feels like he’s an option,  too.

I honestly did blow him off so many times in the past so it’ll serve me right if it doesn’t,  again.

He did ask why now, and i did tell him i wasn’t interested in being anyones side dish at the time, he was in a relationship and so was i, but that I’ve always been interested.

Idk whats up w roommate but i know hes not mentally stable,  either. 3 months without sex is unacceptable.  Especially when hes been talking w others, trying to meet them and everything else i don’t know about so its on him if i get w other dude because he didn’t want me anymore and he sure treats me like shhh.

I just want to be happy.