Wanting to cry

Did he really think i would make him choose? Why can’t he be in all our lives? Why is he turning it yo something i refuse to budge on and why tf am i even crying over it, anymore?

My AE said enough this morning and he hasn’t said a word, since.

So, maybe he’s getting his tatts. Will he exclude lilly? He mentioned abandonment issues. I looked it up, its all him. And on the other end is me, but I’m the one having anxiety attacks, again. I needed something to knock me out, so i started taking the pills and now, i feel worse than ever. Benadryl, tonight.

No more of that crap.

Yes, i am still very upset at the way things went down, as if it happened yesterday.  And it all comes down to abandonment.  Ugh.

I told him too much. Or maybe he just needed someone to bounce thoughts off.

Either way, the one thing that always calmed me was hearing from him. Over 6 years. 3 every day.

Now nothing.

Nothing at all.