Venting Sessions

So, he helped me a bit yesterday but remained on his phone, chatting with various people instead of being present for his child and thinking its okay to do this to me.

This morning it is snowing and so beautiful out, and sooo pretty. He has ignored me all morning, while the door is shut, coughing up a lung from doing his dabs, no doubt getting validation online from it from people who don’t know the BS I deal with in a daily basis.

I went to take a shower early this morning, and get ready. The house was quiet, but Lilly woke up and was whining almost as soon as i got into the shower She was being a handful, and hes in the bedroom ignoring it all. I haven’t said a word to him, watch him try to talk with me.

I am so mad at myself for allowing this shit to go down. Its not right, and really nothing he can say or do will change it unless he takes that fucking step

and changes the situation and the only way he can do that other than take responsibility for his actions is to walk away. He has nowhere to go. He burned his bridges, and i watched it happen and apparently i made it worse for him.

I did not. I did lose my shit on him, but i don’t deserve any of this shit and I refuse, absolutely refuse to deal with any more of it, so let those people online help him get a car, get a place to live, get on his own two feet and leave me and my family alone, for good. If you refuse to change for your own family, you never will for yourself.

Today, i have my son here and i will keep my peace with him around. I have to go up and get the truck. I will have to take my daughter with me.

He will not use my car. He will not ask me for anything other than food, that i can provide and that’s being generous, since he has his paycheck from work and another 5k check from his moms insurance policy, it wouldn’t be that hard for him to just get a hotel room until he can find a place of his own. I cant even sleep in my own room, he locked the door again.

I’ll be fine, better than fine, without him. this is what he wanted. this is the weight of his words, this is what i will do. Actions speak louder than words and promises.