Thoughts

I feel like when my son is w me, i have less anxiety.
I love when hes here. I just wish i could go do fun stuff with him.
So tomorrow we’re going to get his hair trimmed and some new clothes for the kids w my mom after i deposit the check. I really hate relying on her but truck down. The only alternative is walking and i can’t even do that right. Was thinking of getting a bicycle but then i would need a helmet and then i remember I’m not the greatest at balance.
Was considering j7st using the bank across the street but i still hesitate.
I will once i have a few hundred to spare but until then it is what it is.

The Mr went back to work w joe and while I’m glad because Matt wasn’t helping much. He seems to think he’s getting all this money so we can start looking at another truck.
I want 4wd. I want enough space for my kids.
What i want will be expensive no matter what.

He keeps saying oh its only a hundred dollars a month blah blah blah but what he doesn’t get at all and its so frustrating to get through to him is…. that’s for people w perfect credit and even then also bs because even then they’ll try anything.

And this doesn’t even include full tort you are required to carry on the insurance.

I’ve never ever ever taken out a loan for anything.
Smart enough to know i can’t afford it all.
I did improve my credt when i was working a ton and even over covid and it carried me for quite awhile but…. i can’t work doing what i used to and getting a part time job once shes back in school is a dumb idea because taxes and pay rate would be crap.
So, i will stick to just doing everything online for now.

A house would be nice, first.
But no, i refuse for a vehicle unless I’m living in it and even then no because i know better
So he seems to think a down-payment will get us one but he doesn’t seem to understand that in the meantime we’re struggling in other ways.
My credit is shot again.
He doesn’t have any.
I know what i need to get it back up but right now i can’t so here i sit overwhelmed. Almost homeless, again.

Well, its me…
I’m struggling.
I’m trying different avenues but my biggest issue is i also need help with them…. and i cannot ask him for any help w any of it because hes really….. hes smart but dense in other ways.
Like he routinely falls for scammers. And i just don’t understand how he thinks they’re legit.
And they call him and he gives them information he shouldn’t give anyone.
I’ve told him.
Multiple times.
Don’t answer any fucking text messages from ssdi or the insurance companies

Or emails or calls.

They will NOT call you.

You even gotta be careful via mail.

But they don’t randomly call you unless you are expecting it and even then its questionable.

Even if they sound official.

This is why our finances will always be separate.
Anyway, pork chops and fried potatoes is whats for dinner.
He wanted me to make fried green tomatoes but thats not happening.
I like them ripe and red. I like them in sauce and in drinks and all other ways but no fried green tomatoes. Its just not my thing.
And
Fresh out of our garden.
I have like 10 so far.
My mouth is watering and i can’t wait til they’re done growing.
I’m excited.
Thats it.
You want em green go ahead…. you fry em.
So the stuff i really need the most help with, nobody can really help me with unless they know what they are doing.
I can get so far but then i get overwhelmed with answering questions i am unable to answer.
Like they wanna know where her dad is. They wanna know details i don’t have.
If i did, i wouldn’t need the help.
Its frustrating.

So i give up.

I got my inventory everywhere so I’m gonna post more and tomorrow is a little break and then work online, again. I just hope i can sleep.
I’m writing on a notepad to paste later because i have no wifi until tomorrow.
I wonder how others are doing this and how they deal w the struggle.
Back to mad because i wouldn’t have to if a hole was helping his daughter, but he’s not.