Thinking

Ya, it’s all I’ve been doing since he left. I really have high hopes, but I guess what I want isn’t healthy, either.

I do love him. I will always love him for being a part of my life and now that we got it over with, my processing is overwhelmed w thoughts of ghosting me.

And idk, I know I need reassurance and what they call love bombing.

And that’s not healthy. He did tell me he was in a dark place and I helped him, but idk…. These crickets are pretty loud.

Which is why I told him if he doesn’t initiate, I won’t .

He said he was nervous but idk …. Was he or maybe just wasn’t into me after the first half hour of shoving his tongue down my throat.

And now, I’ll have all the time in the world to see him, and it’s silent. He says he slept, and I have no real reason to not believe him but I do have some doubts.

No response is a response, they tell me

I need to let him go because I feel like it’s not gonna go anywhere and I will end up getting more hurt than I already am, because I firmly don’t understand what a man like that would want from a woman like me, other than what we’ve already done.

And here’s the guilt and shame I knew would follow.