the drama continues

I told our daughter to let him be, because she’s all over the place with him.

He did whatever he was doing, but then came down and asked me why I’m keeping her from him. I told him if he don’t want to work on us, how can i expect you to watch our child? He told me that the last time blah blah blah… she was messing up the bedding. I said, well…. shes 3. But the last few days you told her to go back downstairs, soooo I’m not allowing her to be mistreated that way. She just wants to see her daddy and you’ve been spending weeks upstairs in the bedroom and she hasn’t seen you much, so…

Ya, change your bullshit. He asked me if he could go upstairs and do his coils, and i told him i didn’t care at all what he was doing. I’m here with my child and she’s my responsibility and i will take care of her as i always have.

I’d LOVE to sit upstairs all night and day to get a fucking break, but I cant. I’m not judging, I’m asking questions to understand and he thinks its control.

And i dont understand a LOT and without asking questions, how TF am i supposed to know anything??

this morning was utter hell. I had made an appointment for my car to get fixed, and i couldn’t get a ride there to drop it off. And I called AAA like it was suggested, but they don’t do that stuff. Weird.

I did try. I even scheduled a pick up for it, but i had to be present at the drop off place and THAT WAS MY PROBLEM. I couldn’t get there.

So, anyway, trying to figure it all out was an issue, so then i thought about the local garage, so i called them and it all worked out. I dropped the truck off, took lilly with me and walked back. I’ll have to walk up to get it. I did it early, because they want this ice storm and i do not want to be stuck in it.

So, moving on… after all that got sorted, i came home to a locked door. I actually anticipated this but forgot the keys, so if i didn’t bang on the door to get back in, and there would have been an issue with it, I’d have walked back with her, and picked up the keys and let myself in. When he opened it I told him that the reason for me keeping the door open to begin with was because i didn’t have the keys.

Today, I think will be a QUIET DAY. I am hoping for one, without anxiety.  What i said last night still stands. If hes not going to put in any effort and try to be a better man, one, I refuse to wear that ring he gave me as a promise to change, and two, I’ll fucking do it.

I’ll have to go back to work soon enough, anyway.

Everyone wants me to leave him. What everyone doesn’t understand is yeah, I’m pissed off at the things he does while he’s manic, but once hes through it he really is the kind of man I want to be with, anyway. I do love him and we came so far into this shit. I know i can be treated better, i know it. But its like, we aren’t married but i know i don’t want anyone else. the sooner he gets that through his thick skull, the better. However, my boundaries are not flexible.