So anyway

I’m getting so frustrated with literally everything. Even writing kinda just meh…

I can feel depression but i refuse to let it get to me again.

I refuse to be committed again.  I have children that need me but it seems like the only way i will be able to see through to the other side right now is if i do go get counseling once again but the idea of having to go through all that again just frustration. I hate drs. I hate medicine and i really hate dredging up my past. It will never ever be fixed.

Im trying tho and it seems the more i put in effort the more i get to running this endless circle of bs.

He had better stay tf in jail and away from me and my child. He better not attempt to contact me at all. I have this feeling he absolutely will.

He has absolutely nobody now and thats on him.

I haven’t said a word but recently my child keeps asking about her grammy whom i know she wouldn’t remember much of. She died when she was 3.

Just as my dad has, yet she is absolutely adamant about visiting their graves

The only thing i can think of is maybe another kid at school is going through it and shes catching those vibes.

I did end up giving her the teddy bear she got from her grandfathers funeral that was given to all the kids from her, when her grammy was alive.

She hugs it a lot.

I hate him. I hate everything about all of them because it didn’t have to be this way at all.

They made those choices, tho.

Ugh

Just gotta stop. Its been over 2 years. The anger i have inside  will never ever go away.