Remembering

I remember when he first went in. The day he called himself in he told me he had something he needed to take care of. He wanted to be a better man for us.

I also remember his schizophrenic mood where he swore up and down that he heard a few men in there talking about being with me.

I also remember him having a breakdown in my bedroom about a man hiding in the closet that would have sex with me when he was asleep.  I remember ripping apart the closet to try to help him see.

I remember the years during the episode when he accused me of doing crazy stuff behind his back.

he was absolutely convinced.

He never understood that i moved away from that area ten years prior and then got married and all the things i did to myself were in my 20s and early 30s prior to my getting married.

Impossible for anyone to know me in there and they didn’t but i felt like i had to explain and defend myself anyway.

I wonder how hes passing time in there now.

I hoped for him to be a better man for us and he ended up being fine until meth.

I do have good memories with him that i will never experience ever again with anyone.

But i also have years of abuse to deal with and three years later i know i am still healing.