Remembering

I’m going to bed, after this. I am tired. My AE chatted w him for a bit. He wanted to emphasize that he was with his family,  all day. I really didn’t have much to say…

He is my drug. And i can acknowledge that is not healthy.

And this is where things get crazy.

Literally,  by mid afternoon,  from what i said to him earlier…. til now, i was an absolute shaking disaster.

I was sick, my anxiety came back and i just hated how “I felt”.

Is this how he felt, being near me?

Idk…

Anyway,  i didn’t say much but that i was in a deep thought and said good night.

 

I swear as soon as i heard the texting noise, my ears perked up, and i took a deep breath. Everything went away.

My soulmate is missing.

So… looking back it boils down to this. Doing great, trying, learning,  settling in… to slowly getting more absorbed w fb.

And groups

And friends.

We were eventually replaced by them and discarded.

Right now, due to his abandonment issues are the reason he’s ghosting.

His Anger and ptsd got him attitude

Bipolar mania

We were doing so well at first. Why.

I will never know.