Quotes get me

I read a lot of them online, along with hilarious memes, mostly sexual in nature, or just mean but this one quote really got me in tears, tonight.

It said

“I didn’t want this to be another lesson, i wanted this to be love.”

Yuuup

I said i wasn’t going to talk about it to anyone but i did end up saying something to a friend about having mixed signals and emotions about getting together w him.

Didn’t say who, at all, because what if it doesn’t work out?

This scares me.

I’ve told him i have hesitation because i don’t need to lose him as a friend and he said he’s not gling anywhere but then i recall the last time he showed up and got cock blocked by my child.

And left so quickly.

Then i recall that he was also in a relationship and i didn’t feel comfortable doing it. Also i refuse to step first.

Hes gonna have to, because i will not unless he does. And then i remember him leading me on, too.

And how that hurt. And prior i led him on as well.

This really has been hot and cold for at least 15 years. I’ve known him for at least 38, years.

Just… hasn’t worked out. I told him he could do better but he said i have to stop thinking like that.

Well mfer, tell me what i need. I do need reassurance,  we all do.

I got that hes really looking forward to it and that’s about it.

I remember us as kids. He never showed interest that I’m aware of, anyway.

Maybe he did and i just never knew.

So now he will have me, or will i throw up all my walls and destroy this like i do everything else?

Siiigh.

Why did i invest in this at all.

Ya, i just deleted it all. He would not see that i need to be able to open it without seeing our messages, anyway.

I keep reading more about how I’m supposed to now make myself unavailable,  which should in turn make him chase me.

Thats it tho. Is there supposed to he a chase??

Idk. Everyone I’ve ever been w, i reciprocated the chase but continued to reach out. And i am determined to get him.

Like, i know its more than likely just pent up energy, but like i read earlier,  i really don’t want any more lessons.