More Anger

I need to get it out, somehow!

This is what this is here for. I need to focus on my work and less on all this stuff inside of me.

The thing that really gets me, is that the anxiety and butterflies feeling in my stomach, ARE BACK.

They were gone for so long.

And maybe i mistook this feeling.

I think some of the stuff that i said to him might be clicking but it still really pisses me off that I let this all happen. I lost control of myself, again.

As for the things he’s done, that’s HIM. but myself? Ya, Its really stressful taking care of this man, and I had hoped (hopes aren’t actions!) that I’d find a man to take care of me, as well. He’s not capable. What he is capable of is loving me the only way he can show me.

I do love his passion days for me, I do love that he is putting more effort into me and communicating with me more than he ever has. I do love when he talks to me, and I would appreciate it if he came to ME FIRST

and i need to let go of that mentality, i guess.

I did lecture him on talking with his family about issues with me, and i brought my point up that he barely even knows his other daughter, She should NOT be involved, she’s only in her early 20s and From where i stand, its HER MOM involving herself where she shouldn’t be. Keep her damn nose out of it all. He’s saying she’s not, but she really is.

He’s trying to convince everyone around him that I’m crazy. I’m not. See, stop. The one good person in all of this is his first BM. And she’s amazing. She knows exactly what I’m dealing with. Some things don’t change, and he certainly doesn’t.

She told me I could go to her.  I did and he didn’t like it. Too bad. I actually thanked her for letting me go to her.

Anyway today I’m gonna I’m gonna..