I wish

that i could go back to the day he was released from prison. i wish i could go back to him sleeping on the couch so peacefully, and to the vacations we took together all summer long.

I wish i could go back to all the happiness we have had. And how he fought his anger when he was properly medicated.

I know deep inside of me that he will return at some point.

Maybe when she’s a bit more manageable, but at 3 he’s not fit to be around her. I will always have a special place in my heart

for her father but he’s gonna learn eventually that no, i don’t want him hurting me, anymore. All he had to do, he didn’t.

I wanted to be a family with him.

He had it all. He refused to get help at the first sign. HE did this. What he did to me, to us, he could have fixed it.

He Chose to run away.

Im really really trying not to bother him, but he knows this isn’t the end of hearing from me, even though Im blocked, everywhere.

Which I know is super immature, I’m 44, hes 48. grow up! And that’s the thing, He didn’t want to grow up and take care

of his responsibilities. if he had, he would have.

He said its killing him. He said he never loved anyone as hard as he loved me. I believe it.

When its just him and I, and no distractions, i know what we have.

But his distractions is what he chose.

In my world, we sit down and we talk about shit. We work it out.

We dont run at the first sign of fear and we certainly dont act the way we are.

They will all find out about his temper. And I need to keep this in mind. He may be able to fool people for ten minutes

at a time during a damn live video, and he’s able to control shit for brief amounts of time, but they will learn about his anger on their own. And maybe, maybe then they will understand that this man who can be so beautiful and had so much potential going for him, has an anger issue that needs to be addressed.

Dani, tammy, aj, jaylynn, they will all see what the rest of us have.

So will every single woman he comes in contact with along the way.

Because we are no different. None of his “Baby mommas” did anything wrong, no matter what he wants me to believe.

I only wanted this, because its what he told me he wanted, too.

And now he lost it, again. Once he wakes up, he will see what he lost.

IDK if i will keep that door open for it, anymore.