I hate being alone

I think part of the shit I struggle with is that I really dislike being alone, that combined with my trauma bond with him, and i think just that i put all

my belief into this man to be a better person for us, and it flipped right around as soon as he was off parole.

He probably sees it too, and that’s why he refuses to talk to me. Or, he thinks I’m this big threat and cant be around me or some such bullshit. Or that I am dead ass cheating on him, or have someone else which is what he actually has and feels guilty for having.

It just breaks my heart to love someone so much and have them ghost me, like that… after 6 years and lots of bullshit he knows he caused.

I don’t miss the abuse. I don’t miss the anxiety, but i do miss the loving moments we had, together and i think that’s where my brain short circuts.

I mistook THAT for love and love should be so much more. And that’s what he told me he wanted, he just couldn’t take it there.

Anyway, still working on etsy, had some wifi hotspot issues again, today.

Im just lonely, i guess.