Craziness

Is mania.

Its just hard to separate it all. Like if this was common occurrence,  i could be more certain,  the only occurrence is his ghosting me. I said all this to his sister as it was going on, but i really believe his support system just isn’t that strong. Hes slowly coming around.  I am getting better at distraction, but its still hard. Around 1, i started bawling in the car because this whole illness is craziness.  They tell me to back off, and he will come around.  The problem is, trusting him.

And today was my reminder.

I did not text first.  He did, this morning.  And a bit of text exchange and then later, he sent me a pic. Everything very generic, but hes reaching out. I did end up telling him i do want him home, but i want him to want to be home. And that i wanted him happy.

Nothing.

He said the hemper box came to him.

Okay… and that he was going to bed.

He sent me a pic of him.

Bet he sent it to others,  too.

And thats where i know better.

Hes got people telling him to stay away. If he comes home, he will lose “those people”. And they don’t matter!!

James, Brian, his family all know better.  Even deep down, so do i.

Its just ugly until then…

Sigh.

Tomorrow,  taking my son to his choice flea market  sunday is the circle.  Maybe see him, too… later.

Who knows.

He gotta ask, tho.