another weekend

And I’ll just bet that he really isn’t going to just sit there and do nothing. Or maybe he’s waking up and realizing that he really doesnt have many people

to surround him as he thought he would. Probably  go hang out with his family or something but that only goes so far. He says something about going to the knob, but the last time we were there, I wish i could have enjoyed myself, too.

Unfortunately, the last time we went there, it was one of the coldest days we’ve ever had, and he ended up blaming me for snorting coke behind his back. I never did that in my life, but when he gets paranoid delusions, that’s what he thinks I’m doing. So, I ended up walking back to the truck and i sat in it for awhile while he went up with Lilly and smoked a joint.  He also accuses me of cheating on him. He does have some serious jealousy issues that i used

to just think were really cute for him to have, but they became controlling jealousy issues. And it all looking back on it, makes me really sad.

I know he doesn’t want to feel that way and i tried to tell him to get meds but he refused and smoked more pot in its place, which makes his paranoia even worse. And he doesnt see it for what it is, no matter what anyone tries to tell him about it.

All of it is sad.

I do miss the fun times with him. I think about them often. There was a time he and i went out to shovel, together.

A time we made dinner, together as a couple. A time he’d bring his laptop downstairs just to sit with me, but after awhile, he began rolling his eyes

at it, and stomping off upstairs and not communicating at all with me. He’d just go home and then into his room.

He texted my AE, last night attempting to reach out, but i gave him the cold shoulder. He asked what i was up to, and i told him and then he said he

was listening to music, to which i replied was so relaxing and what music was he listening to? He then replied something in spanish that basically said that his heart is mine. And then immediately texted me back saying he meant that for his daughter.

So, mind fucking another chick and oops, mind fucking, or just doing it to try to get attention or a reaction from me? Why does it all have to be so negative?

I will never understand him, but i do know he likes to put his best foot forward.