back to one day at a time

A few weeks has passed since my last entry… I had forgotten I even write up my thoughts and feelings on the internet… Wanna know why? Because I was doing soo good, I felt so happy, until things slowly started tumbling down around me. And I take full responsibility for it all. so thats why im back.

Why dont I ever learn? (Gotta stop asking myself this question)

I let myself fall off into a hole again.

Trying to make myself happy and letting others down who help me in the process.

I feel like my actions are unforgivable but they are.

I need to steer clear of alcohol.

I need to pull myself together again.

I will get myself together, I will clean and organize my home.

I will smile and let go of anything I’ve done in the recent past.

I didn’t harm anyone, only myself. mentally and spiritually.

And that last bit stops today.

Because I know I’m better than getting down on myself.

Everyone makes mistakes. Its time I learn from this lesson for the last time.

 

I wish for so much more.

Its time to realllllly put in work and some action.

because I am great, I am forgiving and forgivable, I am worthy and valuable beyond any amount.

I let myself sink because of my own choices, and I know it may happen again, But ima fight the pull and get myself out of this rut I feel barricaded in Right Now.

 

I will work hard. I will reward myself when I do good and deserve it. I will stop beating myself up and thinking negatively. I will remember who I am, the things I have that I love and cherish more than anything.  I will remember why I put up with so much…

Because in the end, I do this shit for myself and my children.

They deserve so much more than I give them. They are so pure, happy and innocent. They are my world.

I will do this for us my babies, I will do better, I will work harder, I will be smart. That is my word.

Thanks to my children for believing in me and loving me, I am so blessed and grateful for life because of them. <3

 

. N A M A S T E .