Too Close

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"Too Close"

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Moving faster than one should

I love you has not even been said

We sleep in his bed.

Holding me tight

He speaks sweet- although

It could be all show.

Speculate

This makes my stomach turn

Analyzing until my eyes burn.

Still can not let him in me

He does not understand it is not that clear

Believing it is all just fear.

With him my inhibitions run low

Taking a shower together

My mind keeps thinking about forever….

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Keep tell yah self u hot

So sweet ur teeth rot

Repeatin in case they forgot

Ur hot

Ur hot…—

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“they” say you know when someone is the one. I believe I was born without this ability…inept if you will….the one person I thought was ‘the one’…ended up cracking one of my ribs….so apparently as ‘they&rs

quo; would say…I was wrong…which I am fine with…I am wrong quite a bit…however…I have never really liked anyone…not even the rib guy…not in a typical sense….I have had people grow on me…which has been 100% of the time…this guy I am seeing right now…I actually did have some liking to first….which is why things have moved so quickly…I have let it….however…once again I doubt how deep any of this runs…since I am just tired of letting people grow on me…so….I quite possibly…am my own enemy in this cycle….actually pretty damn sure I am….and since…my apparent ‘great’ judge of character seems to be thrown out the window when it comes to men in my life…not sure why …when I am aware of this…I continue to go about my business anyways…

‘`’

I have not written anything in a very long time….nothing here…nor paper…I just seem out of it…it is like ‘real life’ has sucked me dry….I am working full time at a job I can not stand…I am in a routine…that makes me want to pull out my own hair….I am starting to rebel…against…anything I can get my hands on….just grasping at straws trying to desperately find a lil sanity…trying to find a spot where I fit in…a spot…that I do not have to continuously grin and bare it….I have heard this copious times…from various people…so I know I am far from alone…however…knowing others go through anything that I do…never has…and probably never will bring an ounce of comfort to me….while I walk around feeling like I have green skin…which is masked so well that noone else notices…this not what I want…and not something I can do for long…simply because I refuse to do it…I refuse to do something because it is what I am told I have to do…it is what I am suppose to do…that is not a good enough reason…for me to…technically that is not a reason at all in my opinion….The more I am exposed to this world…this life…the more I feel like…I simply just do not fit into it….*shrugs*…

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But anyways so many things have happened…since I last wrote that I don’t actually even want to begin to catch up J lovely

Im out