Quagmire Utopia

some bits…..

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"Selfish Prick"

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Took something you could not afford

so my tears poured

Like the eagle… spreading your wings you soared

Left me broken in a way not done before

Congratulations

You are just like the rest

But now you can say you f*cked with the best….

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I let down my guard and you played your game

Your colours showed in the end – you are the same

I blame myself for being stupid enough to

believe in you

Forgive and forget

I will forgive myself for loving you

And  forget you ever existed…..

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"Friday Night Lights"

 

Dear officer please do not disturb

closest to winning- I was set

Place your bets

Cum 1 cum all

The windows fogged

Heat pumping

Hands gripping

Moans echoed

Damn it

A draw….—

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 "Slow…but nice"

Revealing secrets to this greek god

Not sure why

He is a lot like me…

Admittedly quite a bit taller…and equipped with a penis

We do have our differences.

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #333333

; FONT-FAMILY: Arial”>But he cries my tears- some which have fallen

and

it is comforting

 

soothing to my shattered bits

his fingertips along my flesh

bring tingles to my insides

and a smile to my face

 

both have pains that run deep

neither willing to leap

in the middle of the night- together we creep

After all

it was better than going to sleep….—

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"Play With Me"

 

tried to take a picture of you

but

u wouldn’t let me

I didn’t care if you were peeing 😛

By: Sun © 2007
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Sun Sidenotes
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I have been drawing and not writing so much.  Things have been nuts as per usual. 
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In the past 2 months I have seen Eagle once which was a huge mamajamma mistake….it will not happen again.  Although the pain still has not passed and I fall back into crying fits I know I can not let him win….he can no longer have the power I gave him…definitely not deserving that is for sure. 
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Started seeing Adonis a bit more….we have know each other for over a year now….I am flip floppy about this whole situation so if I seem bipolar (which might actually be the case 😛 ) it is because I am not sure what he represents in my life at this point…I am not sure of my like or dislike…I actually have both towards him from time to time.  My dislike is not of him as a person (I know I like him as a person) just merely of us being an us- if you catch my drift.  He knows I am not ready for much…and although I frustrate him (he has admitted) we still chill…so *shrugs*.  He does have a patience about him and we both are in similar spots….I believe I am a tad more guarded but he also has had 2.5 years to be dealing with his mess….while I just revisited my mess mere months ago.  Point on his side was he was with his ex for 10 years though….so it is a pingpong tourey with us….quite interesting.
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Work is driving me bonkers…I am fighting with my attention span and people telling me what to do.  I have the attention span of a fricken gnat! and I dislike people telling me what to do!…..  but my yearend review went very well….I received an ‘exceeds plus’ which apparently is not common *shrugs*.   Not bad for the chick that does not think she know what the hell she is doing still.  However, the one thing my boss decided to pick on I have a slight issue with…..I would much have rathered you pick on a work related skill for me to work on…I have just been there for a year and 3 months…I obviously am not that good…I know I do not know everything.  Yet, what does she decided to go off on?  I am apparently loud.  This is apparently from inexperience of working in an office….I believe I just blinked at her.  Experience or not me speaking the way I speak…is just how I am….I am a loud person.  I do not do it on purpose….and I quite vividly recall these freaks telling me I was "so quite" a few months back. Make up your damn minds!  This conversation also went to my laugh….which if you know me you know I laugh a ridiculous amount.  The humour I find in day to day dealings is quite ridiculous actually…but I can not help it…..I can laugh all day in the office and not be able to make it home without crying…so I say leave me alone and let me enjoy when I am enjoying.  The semi ironical part of this was she told me ….everyone loves your laugh…it makes us smile and we all do not laugh enough…..okay my laugh is LOUD….especially if I honestly find something very funny but the laugh is okay.  So, to sum up it is okay for me to laugh…but I have to watch my volume in terms of talking.  Is it wrong that I wanted to tell her to just leave me the hell alone…and make a critic of my work not me.  And it is not like I speak alot at work….I am not one of those people….I speak with very few people….
This was then added to my bosses boss telling me to constantly ‘go home’ after 430 ( which is when I am suppose to finish).  They do not pay me for overtime….I put in the time I do because it is necessary for me to do the exceed plus job my boss was glowing over in my review.  I got the deductions down the lowest they have ever been in the companys history of 95 years because I put in the time….I have over 120 hrs of over time this year (which does not include me working through lunch).  Yes, it is alot but do not tell me to go home and then also expect the results.  To be frank, there is no way I could complete my job in the hrs I have.  Just let me do the job the way I want…..obviously there was not a single critic. of how I do my job…if my over time was a problem should have been brought up…..instead of clapping at the results it produced and then coming and telling me daily to go home.  I am slightly tired and annoyed and confused in general so yes little things are building and bothering me more than usual….but I do have tendencies to be 4 and this was one of those moments.  I got fed up.  My bosses boss told me on wednesday to go home…I told her to go home (oppsy)  I pulled back and she made a little joke and I went along with her to cover….she is semi carefree so it was not taken too seriously….however, I got back to my seat and I pretty much was like screw this.  I left everything where it was, got up and left.  Everyday after as soon as 430 hit I got up and left.
Do NOT tell me what to do…..my 4 year old stomping around…..
I then booked vacation time which I was not allowed to take the days I wanted….so I am just really needing a break before I burst!
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If I get over my fear of flying alone I am going to the peg to visit soulmate for my bday weekend
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I need to go christmas shopping….it is going to be nuts! I need to win the lottery
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Going to the one of a kind show next weekend and going out for sushi as well…should be good times!
Also, have a lunch date with my friendola P. who left MP a few months ago….she could not stand her boss…my bosses boss (aka go home chick)
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After seeing Adonis this weekend I am doing a bit better (sidenote Adonis is aka flower dood….yah we are still talking…I kinda jumped the gun in the pervious entry but whatever….I feel what I feel at the time so meh)…he did makes things better …we went for za and hot chocolate…..he is cute and fun 😛 (damn him! hehe)( i will write about our friday night out further in detail later in my other diary)….and Nl also made things better during my work week…he is funny…although a balancing act with him…)he can be a hand full) he does def help my work day go by which I am truly thankful for.  I can not speak with Adonis….since people would be listening and he is on the road all the time.  NL is in the office with me and we msg one another….so it is easier.
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