Him Him Him

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"Him, Him, Him…"

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"Wow"

He makes my

heart flutter

knees weak

My breath short

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He makes me

a cliché of love

a person of few words

but of intense emotion…—

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"Only Him"

Kissing away tears…literally

holds me tight

he makes me feel so safe

he does those fairytale actions

With a sincerity out of this world….—

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"Explain"

He is considerate

He is generous

He is sweet

He definitely was cut from a different cloth

 

Its been said before

I have read it as well

 

I can say he is different

He is like no other

But it would only be in comparison to my past

To what others have put forth

 

And truthfully the past

my past 

Well, to be frank

sucked

Liars, cheats, inconsiderate pricks…

la la la the apparent tragic tale told by many

 

Why were they in my life?

I am not stupid

but it was

Laziness on my part

…unfortunately.

Not to be cocky

But simply I would get tired of telling them

<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" align="center”>I was not the girl

– I even have a speech…entitled "Im not the girl"-

I didn’t like any of them

Notta one!

I would go along for the ride

The ride of self destruction of sorts

I blame myself for letting people grow on me

Letting the wrong people grow on me

and by them growing on me I would start to focus on the ‘good’

innate

oii a toxic character flaw.

I blame myself for blinding myself to situations simply because I became caught up

I do not however, take the blame for their stupidity, ignorance, and ill tempers

 

For the first time in my life this seems right

I dont have to convince myself of it

although I am willing to fight for it….I do not have to!

He has an understanding of me…and I of him

I don’t question if he cares

And he knows I care about him

ah the peace…—

By: Sun© 2007

 

Sun Note- well well well it is 2007…holy jumpin eh!  I must confess I’m glad 2006 is over.  It honestly makes me feel like I have offically closed the chapter that needed to be closed….N is offically out of my life….I have now moved so the last connecting factor (my house phone number) is gone….there is email I suppose but I am beyond finished with all of his nonsense…he never did pay me back…and..I no longer care…I do not believe him to be a good person…talk about a fogged judgement…on my part….but it is over….and it feels GREAT!…I have a job I honestly am so lucky to have….or at least I feel that way about it…I would never have imagined landing something like this…and the potential growth factor gives me a stability that is joyous as well….I honestly like going to work…although waking up some mornings is not that joyous hehe…

…Me almost dying is something that still is unreal to me….every once n a while I think about the fact that well…there is was a possiblity that I might not even be here right now and lemme tell yah that puts a different spin on things…regardless of my awareness of mortality ( I have had this strange feeling since I was little that I would die young)…this was definately a reality slap…that will not be forgotten….

And there is Eagle…who…I honestly do not even have the beginning clue how any of this happened but gosh…he trully is something special….I just want to do a lil sidenote of things…that I decided that I would spend NYE alone…I am not exactly sure why I decided this but I did…I know part of it was simply because I have never done it before…but…I choose it and then..for some reason…it made me cry…I called my folks to wish them HNY and I was fighting tears…then I called E to do the same thing and I still was crying…although I told him I was okay…over n over again…(I tried to hide the tears as besst I could)….this wonderful wonderful guy….fully knew that it kinda upset me that we were not together (which duh..of course)…but he got me to get some wine and we did our own count down together…which honestly he does things sometimes that just make me speechless/melt…lil things..but they mean the world to me….him calling me back later telling me he was on his way to my place just took the cake….I wanted him to have fun and to say…this is why he did not even tell me he was leaving cause …he said he knew what I would say…but this would be the first time he was ever over here…actually it is the very first time that ANYONE has ever come to my house-that I was seeing….sidenote to the sidenote…he looked damn good in his suit and blue shirt…but…I can not even beginning to put into words what…what he did means to me….no one has ever done something like that for me….I think I said ‘wow …I cant believe you are here’ about 20 times…and I am still in shock about the whole thing really….but…seriously meant soooo much to me

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anyways…gawd I gush ab

out him…it is enough to make me ill hehe….

here’s to last years memories…be it good…bad…or ugly…and may this year be joyous n unpredictable!