Breaking

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"Breaking"

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Im the best you ever had

n’ boy that’s sad

cuz you aint neva had me

What reality do u see

 

  

Shriveled brain cells playin tricks on you

don’t know two plus two

thinkin u hard and tough

n u mad cuz I called ya bluff

 

  

Yah, so, im daddys lil girl

more precious than a pearl

if he don’t like u u don’t have a chance

you will never get in these pants

 

  

My standards surpass your capability

that’s no reason to bring me your hostility

I don’t hate because of what you lack

just don’t expect to get me in the sack

 

  

Professin your the king

but im the one pullin your string

repeating what I say

ur an employee workin for no pay

 

  

Tryin to insult with assault

I know what is my fault

penetrate me? – your feeble attempt

Ill hold you in contempt

 

  

Sayin im ugly but its me u crave

Ill take my model pictures on your grave

u talking shit u know aint true

better take some time to review

 

  

U aint sayin somethin juss cuz your lips move

what r u tryin to prove

u can hate me all u want

but be careful what u flaunt

 

  

Lie after lie u have gone so deep

I no longer want to hear you speak

you love and want to marry me

this drama is what they play on tv

 

 

 Ur crazy thinking id carry your seed

<font face="

Times New Roman” size=”3″>especially since I don’t think u should ever breed

sterilization should be implemented on ya ass

ensuring u will be the last

 

  

Just cause I can see in you what is good

trust me, the bad is also understood

for you I did what I could to assist

n your stupidity will not be missed…–

By: Sun © 2006

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Sun glimpse- this has nothing to do with the above just some ramble….interesting enough I do not forgive myself for many things(I have stated this before)…I do try…however time just allows for the memory to become blurred…implying a false reassurance…of sorts…which maybe that’s what forgiveness is built on…it holds some place that is for sure…even after dissecting the situation…and embracing each lesson….I can possibly find within….I still lower my head when I look at my reflection…ironically my forgiviness for others for some reason…comes with much greater ease…maybe because I do not have to live with them….I take the time to assess my actions…maybe too much time…I understand I make mistakes…and I am not alone in this respect…this however does not bring much…if any…comfort…for me…for some reason….even knowing that I have learned from my mistake…does not negate the fact that I made the mistake in the first place….the individual mistakes do not consume me either…it is the mere idea…the simple fact that there have been so many….it is not a point of forgiving myself…in that sense…and I have moved on in many respects…but I still hurt inside….from what exactly I am not sure…I am working on it

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I am going through a huge battle with myself right now….between what would be right for me…and what I hold true…unfortunatly there is not a middle ground that can be had in this case….and it would be an understatement to say that it is easy….by doing what is right for me…I would ultimatly be breaking my word to someone….and breaking my word…just the thought makes my insides turn…it took me quite a while to even figure out this is what i had to do…but after getting through all of the topics…and trust me when I say there were copious red herring issues…this is what the issue is…at this point…I believe I have put myself through enough…in trying to keep my word…it has become so toxic to myself…this person has become so toxic to me…..so even though I do my best to make sure if I speak to something…if I state something…I will do it…once again it comes to the fact that I am wrong sometimes…and that I can not be perfect even in the sense of keeping my word…..

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I am going to be apply for a job agency that deals with law firms….by the end of the week…I should be ready to make the call….I have put out a few resumes…but nothing too serious….I am not quite ready to get out there yet….hence why I am being sluggish in the process…but…now that I found this…and I am giving myself a few days to prep…I think it will be good to go…entering the quote unquote real world…hmm….well we shall see how it goes….

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I do feel like things are coming together….personally I am always on a journey…and I am content that it does always seem to be moving forward….some areas more slowly than others…but reagardless it is still forward…I have gone in a few circles…but that was just because I was not paying enough attention…I had to move forward in other areas before the circle could unwind and go move forward….and the job thing…I still have my hope for that…heres to growth…no matter how painful…