Poem: Remembrances

Remembrances

The daily struggle flanked by then and now
My grieving is suspicious

All this talk of mourning for the past
I do not mourn it
My loss is for the future
Of tender embraces, forgiving kisses, inviting smiles
Even in silence, there is sound
Echoes – collapsed and misplaced
Where laughter cannot resonate
Oh, the unspeakable thing

(I am missing you behind screens at work
Behind doors at home
Missing the flash of your name, the flash of your grin
I am missing your vague work journeys
I am missing your unscripted stories between train schedules
“Profiterole and caramel mousse. Washed down with vanilla maple syrup yogushake. Deeeeeeeeeeeeelicious!”
Word for word, your fingers transcribe

Fast. Forward.

I am missing our first born
I am mounting the well of loneliness
Blinking down the storm

I am missing the rebel white in your hair
It’s growth a little more daring
For years of my counting  

I am missing the hilarity of our nervousness
As lovers, as parents, and as senile elders
Each inhalation a little more bearable
Because we are in this together

Re.wind)

But all of this – this is in my head.
And the silence sounds.