05/23/2012

Today’s reverberating theme: Shake It Out – Florence + The Machine

I went in search of my wireless mouse the other day and in doing so, came across your wedding ring. I studied it briefly – looked for any imperfection or last remnants of you. I was sure there would be a scratch or two – you’re quite clumsy, no offense. I tried to keep it a ‘matter of fact’ moment. A speck here, a mark there. I slid it on my smallest finger…even that was tight. I caught myself thinking of your small hands, which is truly amazing considering I have small hands. And then I caught myself thinking about my own ring and if you have it. I’d be surprised…you probably tossed it to the wind with good measure. If only I had placed as much value in us as I do in the symbol of this ring, and in the symbol of this document that binds us. And back to its pouch it went. Back into the zipped lining of my bag…quiet and restful behind closed doors.  

I still do not know how to let go. My mourning is a swept tide, quiet and lulling one moment, loud and revengeful the next. Just how do I shake this out? It has affected me at the core, hinged in my liver and heart…wired and spiraled up my spine, with permanent neural connections paved out of metal rubber.

Moving on never took so long….I carry you inside me and my heart breaks for others in my life that this affects…present and future. But moving on, I must do…