Bullsh**

The man I love has not been feeling well (or so he sais). His feet, legs and abdomine are in stabbing pain… So what so I do, I talk all the rejections of affections and I rub his pain away 1 to 3 times a day everyday. Ive rubbed so much my arms are sore and my hands. Tonight I am in the spare room in total anger because I missed his hints to have sex, and hes trying so hard to be back in love with me, and I have used up all the support I should get from him…

My mistake that was “so bad” was I apparently took time away from his parents and text someone that he told me to text about money owed durring so, the conversation left me wanting to end my life. So after a 7 hour lecture about how I should trust him and hed never make me do anything I wasnt confortable with (mind you I was also told to shut up and not say a word while he spoke so I wrote my responses down in a notebook), I tried to speak, but I had to much to say, so I summarized it and then was told I didnt get to speak about it for a week ( till we were back from our trip). So yeah, I got pissed.

Now he doesn’t love me, see a future with me, I dont deserve him to be there for me when I cry, and I have used up all my support.

What the heck!!!???? Is this really what love is?

All of that fight (months ago) started with me not wanting to shower at some strangers house and not wanting to meet his parents for the first time looking and smelling like I had been in a car for 14 hours… We needed a hotel anyway so I swear to god all I said was It rather have a hotel to prepare for my first meeting. First impression are very important. I wanted his parents to look at me and see why he loved me, why I was the one he decided to bring home. But that made me the M.F. bad guy.

I’ve already taken steps to leave, but I really thought if I did everything right. Looks like Im the fool of this story. I really think im done. I’m hurt and angry and the only outlet I have is this online journal that’s hidden on my phone so he can’t snoop and read what I’m saying because he hates being embarrassed.

I’ve stopped working towards my tattooing, ive stopped drawing, Ive stopped all hobbies, I quit my job, I delete all photos I had of my ex’s because he didn’t want to see them on fb, my daughter is with a friend and my son is with his father because this Man asked me to send them away, I don’t go anywhere because I’m afraid I’ll be ought to long and cause a fight…etc.

I don’t even know why im still holding on.