“My Doctor Says……”

I went to the doctor today. (Pause)

That’s a bit like me saying that I bent over and flamingos flew out my butt.

I don’t go to the doctor’s office very often.  I don’t have anything against doctors, and I’m not afraid of doctors, I just don’t go to doctors unless I have something that hasn’t gotten better on it’s own and deserves a medical opinion.

My foot hurts.  But it only hurts when I walk or stand on it or I have my feet up on the recliner.  Yep, it’s always hurting and it’s been hurting since Sunday.  I have no idea what I did to it and I can’t recall subjecting it to any sort of trauma.

The doctor wants me to take a "powerful" anti-inflammatory to get rid of the inflammation.  If the pain doesn’t go away with the inflammation, then I use the referral she provided to the orthopedist to get x-rays and diagnosis.  At first, I was a bit put off when I didn’t get an immediate referral for an x-ray, and then I replayed what the doc said about "no x-ray, right now" and I realize that my doctor just practiced restrained medicine and not "pick a test" medicine.  I like that.

Then we discussed my blood pressure.  I said that the BP that the nurse took is "normal" for me and that if the doc retook my BP while I was laying down, then she’d see a BP that is "normal" for her.  That’s just the way my BP works, higher when vertical and regular when horizontal.  Since my BP did just what I said it would, and has been doing that for years and years, she wasn’t too concerned.

Then she noticed from my (lack of) records that I hadn’t had blood tests done for a few years–the years in which I hadn’t been to the doctor.  The plu..plobotim..vampire nurse took a few vials of the red stuff and they will do a full set of tests, including my uric acid levels to rule out gout as the cause of my foot pain.  If I have gout, I swear I’m going to get a powered wig and a six-foot tall cane.  I know that gout is more prevalent than ever, but I still think of Ben Franklin when I hear the word.

The blood test will include a PSA test.  I must have made a face when she mentioned PSA, so she quickly said that she assumed I was aware of the recent disagreements about the usefulness of this test–or, maybe she could tell that I was a regular reader of the newspaper?  I said I was aware, and that I was okay with getting the test and that we could discuss the results and ignore them if necessary.  Luckily, my blood tests from a few years ago included PSA, so I will be able to compare my results against each other instead of reacting to a single test result.

The doc also noticed that I was three years past the age at which they recommend a colonoscopy–I sort of felt like a car that had reached certain service levels based on mileage.  So, I have a referral to a colon-o-scopist for an initial meeting to discuss the process and then to get candid photos of my colon.  I know that family members of mine have had their colons probed, so I’ll talk to them about the various methods that they’ve experienced.

Oh, and it’s been five years since my last tetanus shot, which wouldn’t normally mean it was time for a new shot (it’s 10-years between tetanus shots), but the new tetanus shots include protection against pertussis.  Now I’ve got an achy arm to go with my achy foot, but I’m protected against tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis for a good 10 years.  At least I’ve got that going for me.

Of course, I had to leave a urine sample before leaving the doctor’s office.  I think that the office doors won’t open unless you’ve left urine.  I can’t help thinking, "I came in with a sore foot and I left a urine sample, what’s up with that?"

I will stop at CVS on my way home this evening and pick up my anti-inflammatory and I will take it as directed to see if my owie gets better.

Gee wilikers, all that from one quick visit to the doctor.  Just imagine how long my post-colonoscopy entry might be.

Ender is out.