15 Mistakes Women Make While Having Sex

Some idiot male wrote a list of 15 mistakes women make while having sex. Having read these "mistakes" and finding them quite idiotic, I decided to add my rebuttals and repost it. So here, for your entertainment, are the 15 mistakes women make while having sex…and my rebuttals to said mistakes. ; )

1. BEING PASSIVE – Don’t let him undress you and himself. Just help him a little bit: like making the first step. Just because we are men it doesn’t mean that we must do all the job. Stop being a wuss…if you want to get in our pants most of us are gonna make you work for it at least a little bit. It’s part of being a man…suck it up!!!

2. WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS – It takes time to take off these kind of clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got, the more rounds you got, and the more rounds you got the more satisfied you get. Yeah, sure. Hey buddy, if you can’t last long enough to get through unbuttoning my jeans AND the act, don’t even bother, okay???

3. GOING DOWN HALFWAY – Once you start going down, don’t stop at the belly button, keep going or just don’t go past the neck at all. And likewise, men, when we say "don’t stop" it means DON’T STOP!!! It’s not "DON’T!!! STOP!!!" it’s "DO NOT STOP!!!"

4. CHOKING HIS CHICKEN – Men feel pain, we are not as tough as you think. No man has a leather dick. You got to be smooth with the dick. Pulling it too hard doesn’t make us feel horny, it hurts even though we don’t tell you. We don’t walk around w/ these things…so if it hurts you need to speak up, you dope. That or do it yourself!!!

5. LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH – It’s just the same as a dog licking a bitch’s ass. How about not grabbing the breasts like you’re trying to tune in Tokyo. Nipples aren’t radio tuners…you’re not gonna get your favorite station, okay???

6. MOANING LIKE A RUNNER THAT NEEDS AIR – Better moan with style girls cause men love to make fun of girls who can’t moan like movie stars. Try not to make much noise when you exhale. Listen men…if your girl is moaning it means you’re doing something right. Porn stars get PAID to sound like they do, got it???

7. SCRATCHING HIS BACK – We don’t need no autographs, girls. It does not feel good at all. Depend on the length of nail and how deep you dig them in our backs so keep your nails in you pockets please. If you feel the need to scratch a boys back, either grip the hell out of the sheets or the headboard. First off, some of this one makes no sense…"depend on the length of nail and how deep you dig them in our backs so keep your nails in you pockets please"??? WTF??? Yeah, this is more like "We don’t need to have to explain to our wife/girlfriend where these marks on our back came from."

8. LETTING YOUR HAIR FALL IN HIS FACE – Men need air, they breath. Buddy, if you’re getting laid and all you can think about is that you hope the girl doesn’t let her hair fall in your face you MIGHT have a little bit of a problem.

9. JUMPING ON HIPS TOO HARD – A man is not a horse so please take it easy unless you got a big booty to take care of the landing. Ya know, if you knew how to throw it on us hard enough when YOU are on top you wouldn’t have this problem, would you???

10. SCREAMING TO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM – Are you crazy? Do you want us to get caught by your parents? Or do you just love seeing me jump through the window butt naked. Seriously??? Earlier we were supposed to sound like porn stars…now we’re too loud??? Who wrote these rules??? I can guarantee if he really follows all these he’s not getting ANY ass…perhaps that’s why he had time to write these. I think once you get out of high school you don’t have to worry about "getting caught" by your parents.

11. KEEP YORSELF CLEAN! – Everyone knows that fish is the smell. But we don’t have to be smelling it when you take your panties off. Please warn us if you haven’t freshened up. And nobody wants to suck on salty dirty titties. Men aren’t the only ones who sweat. And we sure don’t want you smelling like you work at a fish market either. Make sure your ass is clean!!! No man wants to eat off a dirty plate. Ditto, buddy…ditto.

12. MAKE SURE YOUR FEET ARE IN CHECK – Every man has a certain turn on, everything on a woman must be perfect, thats how we like it. Do not, I repeat do not get in bed with us with your feet looking like you were walking bare foot on toxic waste. You know what I am talkin about, nail polish coming off halfway, smelly as hell, uneven toenails, soles feeling like sandpaper. Its hard to perform good foreplay with that. And don’t even think about asking us to suck your toes when they look like they have been beaten with a sledge hammer(ugly)and we are not to fond of unpolished toes either. We like them soft, pretty, and tasty looking. Yes sir, it is my only goal in life to make sure my feet are pretty looking just for you. Once again…if you’re getting laid and you’re worried about whether or not my toenails are polished you have some problems. Everything on a woman must be perfect!?!?!? Puhleeze!!!

13. GIVING HEAD – Don’t use your teeth! Don’t put your hand on the back of my head and I won’t use my teeth…deal???

14. AFTER SEX BROADCASTING – Don’t go bragging to your friends saying that you have us so called "whipped" its not cool at all, especially when his friends are around. If a man is "whipped" he won’t admit it. Got news for ya, buddy, there’s probably not a whole bunch of women going around bragging about having sex w/ you. It’s probably more like "girl, I can’t believe I slept with him…what was I thinking!?!?!?"

15. KEEP IT REAL – When you’re at the point of breaking up, don’t wait until then to tell us we didn’t knock it right. You know damn well we had you climbing the walls and walking on air. Hey, you keep telling yourself that if it helps you feel betterabout yourself.

P.S.- Repost this or you will have bad sex forever…like the guy who wrote this…ha ha!!!