vanil

“Sometime what i wouldn’t give to have us sitting in a bar again at 9:00a.m. Telling lies to one another, far from god.”

i had a mildly painful experience today. Words. It is so weird how they can affect you. i received an e-mail from an old friend today, and i almost didn’t read it. i didn’t want to. But i did, and i think i am glad i did.

It is mildly painful and mildly humiliating, but it was oddly comforting to hear from him. i just wish that it wasn’t like this. That it wasn’t awkward or dramatic or sad.

words indeed.

i am worried. Worried about all this that is building up inside of me. In all the tiny voids that i have gained through the years. i wonder what it will all add up to later.

And is there such thing as love anymore? Who needs it when there’s Percocet and Codeine and Stoli Vanil. Who needs any of this anymore?

Update wise: my job training is going fine. One of my trainers is pretty cool, and my co-workers are nice. One girl is my nemesis, but that’s okay too. i am trying hard to not dismiss this as the worst job there is, and, let’s face it: i want out of my house. Living here, although free and comfortable, is like returning to a primordial womb whose waters are dark with age. Binding.

i wish i had more to say. Better things to say. But i have not taken anything today, and i am feeling a little down. Not too bad.

It is Halloween soon, and the moon has been a bit red these past few days.

Red makes me think of blood make me think of death makes me think of life makes me think…