Soul to Squeeze

So, this has been the most beautiful and painful week of my life, and i cannot decide if it is only beautiful because it hurts so much. 

i have had a week of waking up with him in my bed and falling alseep with my hand of his stomach. My hand, anchored there, softly and gently, yet trying to convey the force of how much i want it to keep here there for days and weeks and years. Birthdays, babies, pets, death, TV dinners, new cars. mundane Sunday nights with nothing to do. ALAS! He leaves tomorrow. Yes, again he leaves me.

Oh yeah, and he can never love me. And he likes his friend’s girlfriend in Austin, and she has a kid and a life that he wants to be part of.

As for me, he will leave me here again, beached if you will. Marooned on this island he and i built. It is unstable and its top layer of soil is always too loose, but the foundation holds strong, and he will keep returning to this place to rejuvenate when he has lost of his hope and joy and love. He will return here because i will always be waiting here to make sure he gets everything he needs and wants.

But it is too lonely right now. Just like last night, when my side of the bed felt like a tomb i made for myself.

i keep teling myself: "You Just Haven’t Earned it Yet Baby."