Mornings at Combray

“Will it ultimately reach the clear surface of my consciousness, this memory, this old, dead moment which the magnetism of an identical moment has traveled so far to importune, to disturb, to raise up out of the very depths of my being? I cannot tell.”

i woke up this morning, and the house was filled with air the has no other name than Autumn. It was cool and crisp and my heart was filled and beating, and i was dreaming life. i took a shower. And used a brand of soap i used to use in Highschool, and the scent of it circled like smoke inside my mind, and memories froliced inside my beating heart. Autumns of years past. And then the music. Old tapes with songs from middle school. And the air. And it all mixed, and i was lost. And it was beautiful.

Thank you Cat!

And i feel so strange. i start my *job* on Monday, and i am excited to be working again, but not at all excited about the job. And my one class begins in a couple of weeks.

This is a good feeling. This ghost of Halloweens past. Ghost of swim meets past. Of birthdays past. Ghost of not feeling so sad past. Youth.

And i know it will fade when the sun is higher. And i know it is nothing. Mirage. Facade. Tracers. But it is okay right now.

Because my friends are great. Because Chuck remembered me in DC. Because PM Dawn is on my tape deck. And because i am letting it be.